Downward Spiral
by Holbyfan196993
Summary: Chloe has returned to her old coping mechanisms and Ange is worried. But can she help her before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

Ange sat quietly in her car, taking a moment just to breathe. To feel her heart beating, the quickness of it reminding her of the inevitable from which she was hiding.

She pulled out her phone, staring at the lock screen with the ghost of a smile on her lips. Chloe and Dom. Together. _Laughing. _Back when everything was easier. She quickly got lost in her thoughts, wondering how she'd got here. How she was going to face today.

Her family had had their share of tough times, god – when Chloe found out about Dom's adoption she didn't think they would ever get their relationship back to where it was but she was wrong, actually Dom had brought a new depth to their little family and brought out the best in them both.

But that was before. After Evan, but before everything else. Before the self – harming took a hold of Chloe again. Before she stopped eating because she no longer viewed herself as worthy of food. Before Ange realised she had gained a son but was rapidly losing her daughter. Again.

Chloe had been here before, not for years but it was a routine they'd been through. Back when Chloe was a teenager it was easier though. The first ever time she saw Chloe's cuts Ange thought her world had ended. She didn't know what to do or how to help, how to make things better. _How to fix her. _But they'd managed, Ange had dragged her to the doctors – albeit kicking and screaming. She'd sulked for the entire morning of the appointment, barely looking up from her hands but Ange had pushed through and they'd got her the help she needed. But Chloe wasn't a teenager now, Ange couldn't just force her into accepting help. Support her? Of course. But Chloe had the control now, at least partly. She'd lost control of her life which is what led to this situation, but she had the power to refuse treatment now. Something Ange was all too aware of.

She'd been trying to nudge Chloe in the right direction, trying to get her to see this had become a problem again but every time she attempted to bring it up the younger woman quickly shut the conversation down and Ange felt like she was losing her a bit more.

It was only 2 days ago she realised how unwell her youngest child had become. She'd invited both her and Dom over for some dinner, hoping that the casual social situation and the laughter between them all would help Chloe relax and enjoy herself. Ange watched her the entire time and while herself and Dom had indulged in their takeaway sushi, a firm favourite of Chloe's, not a single morsel of food had passed the girl's lips. The alarm bells had been ringing long before that night, but for Ange that was the final straw. She knew she needed to act. When the storm hit Holby and made the roads unsafe to drive, Ange suggested they both stay over. Chloe often slept there after the break-up with Evan so had a supply of pyjamas to hand. She was getting changed when Ange snuck up and saw all the cuts across her stomach and legs. Her spine and ribs were prominent. Chloe stood there criticizing herself in the mirror, pinching her skin and sneering in disgust at herself. Ange couldn't take watching it anymore and was about to knock when she thought better of it.

She needed time. She needed a plan. She needed assistance. Chloe wasn't going to admit to any of this and she certainly wouldn't accept any help without a fight. Ange knew she needed to get her head straight, think of the best way about this. She needed to get Chloe to see what she was doing was wrong, how unwell she really was. But she needed to tread carefully. She didn't want to push her away, to spook her and lose her. She spent the rest of the evening weighing everything up. Wondering how she'd let it get this far without noticing, without helping her. She _knew _the signs. She knew how vulnerable Chloe was, but still – she let it happen. She let the young woman destroy herself mentally until she took it out physically on herself. What kind of mother was she?

Ange snapped back to reality. 7.53am. Time to face the music. Time to step up and get Chloe the help she so desperately needed.

Nothing would be the same after today. Chloe was going to hate her, she might never trust her mum again. But it had to be done. Didn't it?


	2. Chapter 2

Ange was sat at her desk, anxiously staring out the door watching for her daughter. She'd already set the trap, Chloe thought she was coming down to Keller for a cardiac consult. She knew she'd never get her to agree to come and chat otherwise. Chloe was hyper aware of anything out of the ordinary at the moment, almost as if she knew she was in danger of being caught and didn't want to allow anyone the opportunity to get close.

Dom approached the door tentatively, unsure whether he wanted to come in or whether to leave them to it. Ange had told him all about Chloe's history. She told him about her suspicions with Chloe this time and how she needed him to support her. She needed backup when confronting Chloe. It wasn't right but she wanted him on _her _side. Chloe was bound to lash out verbally and although she could take that easily she needed confirmation from somebody else that things weren't right. Dom had agreed that Chloe had been distant and withdrawn but he wasn't sure how to deal with the information that she had been cutting and starving herself. He didn't want it to be true. He'd just got this new family, he couldn't face the realisation he could be in danger of losing it all again.

Ange made eye contact with him and attempted to offer up a small smile to reassure him, and herself, that this was the right thing to do.

"Hey, now listen. When she gets here she's going to be confused, and she's going to get angry. Dom, she might say things she'll come to regret but I need you to know she doesn't mean them. But I know her, I know she'll lash out. To try and push us away. We just need to be strong, be firm with her and let her know that we're not going anywhere. Okay?"

He gave a small nod in reply, not trusting himself to talk. This was what made him nervous, what she was going to say about him, _about their relationship_. Was she going to want him there? When she was at her most vulnerable? Did he even deserve to be there? She is his sister but they're still getting to know each other. How would he feel if this were him? If he was going to be ambushed, would he want her there to see it all? He knew Chloe would think he was judging her and although that couldn't be further from the truth he was nervous of her reaction to him. But he knew he needed to help her, to help Ange get her the help she needs.

He'd noticed it too. Before Ange had even spoken to him about it. He didn't know how bad it was, but he'd seen her behaviour change alongside her body shape. Her scrubs hung loosely off her small frame now. Her cheeks were hollow and she had black circles below her eyes. She always seemed more sluggish, like being alive was taking all of her energy. He guessed it was, she wasn't eating much and she was on her feet all day – doing ward rounds and being called across the hospital for urgent consults. She must be exhausted. This realisation hit him hard. She thought she was coming down here for a simple job. She was probably walking here now, wondering why they'd insisted on her and not somebody else. He felt a stab of guilt as he realised that although they were trying to help, they were most definitely going to be upsetting her today.

He slumped down on the chair opposite Ange, looking at her face, at the fear and the stress etched all over her features. It's not often that she allows herself to show her vulnerabilities, but he knows she would do anything for Chloe. Would she be the same if it were him? Would she have staged an intervention for him when everything with Isaac was happening? He tries to shrug this aside, knowing that this isn't about him, about their relationship but that doubt lingers over him. Ange is firm but fair with him, but loving and caring when it comes to Chloe. Does that equate to equal love?

He suddenly realises she has spoken, but he didn't hear what she said. He was too wrapped up in his own emotions. That's when he realises that he needs to put his own thoughts and feelings aside. This isn't about a comparison, it's not about how he fits into this family. That won't matter if there isn't a family. He needs to help Chloe. He forces himself to focus on Ange.

"sorry, what?". She looks at him, the guilt written all over her face "Look Dom, I appreciate you coming but I'm beginning to wonder if I've made a mistake. If this is the right way to do it. She's going to freak out. She's supposed to be working…I'm not so sure this was the right place to do it. She's a private person, she won't want the entire hospital to know what's going on…" Dom stands up and moves over to Ange, cutting her off. "That's exactly why we are doing it here. We discussed this remember? She's less likely to make a scene if she knows that everyone will see and hear it. She'll want to keep it between us, maybe it'll give us the best chance. I know you're nervous, I am too. But let's just focus on Chloe and helping her. Remember what you said to me? Cruel to be kind?" Ange attempts to smile but it's more like a grimace. She gives a small nod and takes a deep breath, it doesn't go unmissed by either of them that it is shaky and uneven. She reaches out, places her hands over his and squeezes. In that moment he knows that it's the right thing for him to be there. Maybe not for Chloe, but for Ange. For his mum. To give her the support she's never had before. So she doesn't have to face this all alone.

At that moment they hear the ward doors bang open, then squeaking as her trainers hit the clean floor. It's Ange that responds first, she stands up and moves quickly to the door. Just as Dom manages to get himself up and in position they see the navy scrubs and blonde hair approach. "Chloe, hi sweetheart" Ange puts on her biggest smile and tries to usher Chloe into the office but she doesn't budge from the door. "You bleeped me, many many times?" She tries to be sarcastic but the irritation in her voice is what shines through. She feels edgy being here, away from the comfort of her own ward. The last few days things have felt…different. Odd. As if everyone is suddenly treating her differently. She's not sure if that's true or it's her paranoia kicking in. The anxiety twists things in her head. Makes her think everyone is against her. That there is this great conspiracy theory that she is the centre of.

Ange takes a deep breath and looks at Dom whose face is unreadable. He twitches his eyebrow, it's the smallest of movements and normally nobody would have even noticed, but Chloe does. Her heart rate starts to pick up, she can feel it. She tries to squash it down but she has that impending sense of doom. Something isn't right.

Ange tries again, waving her hands to direct her daughter into the office, "Chloe, come in and sit down, we need to talk." Chloe notices the slight tremor in her voice. She studies her mums face, she looks like she hasn't slept for days. There is an awkward moment where nobody moves. Finally she pulls herself out of this trance "Mum, I'm busy. I don't have time for a chat. If you don't have a patient for me then I'm going to head…" Ange holds her hand up, cutting Chloe off. "Chloe, Forget about work. I would like you to come in and sit down for a minute. We need to have a chat." Her tone is low and the words are slow. It's how Ange speaks to her teenage patients on the ward when something has happened but she's trying to be reassuring. There is a pause, Chloe's eye's darting between her mum and her half brother who are both staring at her expectantly. They're waiting for her to make the next move. She knows something is wrong now. Her feet feel like they're glued to the spot. Even if she wanted to go into her mum's office she couldn't move. She can't run away either. She's just _stuck. _She can hear her heartbeat in her ears. Feels that panic rising up. Her breathing quickens and she knows she's starting to lose control. Is this what she thinks it is? A thousand possibilities run through her head. They know don't they? They can't know. How do they know? Do they know? Of course they know! Look at their faces… Oh god. Oh god. How much do they know?

Ange senses the panic rising in her daughter and feels a stab of guilt at being the one to cause it. She reaches out, gently touching her daughters arm. "Come on Chlo, come into my office…please". Chloe barely registers her mums voice but she feels her warm hands on her own arm and then her back, she's guiding her into her office. Chloe is powerless to stop her. She whips her head round and glances out at the ward, checking to see if anyone can save her. As if she needs saving from her own mother. Before she even registers what's happening her mum is lowering her gently into a chair, her hand rubbing her back and shoulder. Chloe flinches as she touches her spine and Ange freezes. She pulls her hand away and stares at it like Chloe has electrocuted her. Tears well up in Ange's eyes and Chloe feels like she is going to be sick. She doesn't know quite what's happening but she can sense it's bad.

Ange and Dom pull up their chairs so the three of them are sat in a triangle. They're all so close their knees are practically touching and there is no hiding the fact Chloe's are shaking. Ange lays her hand protectively on her daughters leg, rubbing it with her thumb as she talks. "Chloe, I'm sorry to have dragged you down here but I'm worried about you. We're worried about you. You're not yourself. Since everything with Evan you've been on this downhill spiral and I can't sit back and watch you destroy yourself anymore. You need to talk to us."

Chloe can feel her heartbeat thumping across her whole body, she has a lump in her throat which is stopping her from breathing let alone speaking. She wrings her hands together, then pinches her wrist. Something she does when she's stressed and can't cut. Her fingernails pierce the skin and she presses harder. She knows she needs to do something, to say something to get them off her back. Acting like a deer in headlights isn't helping her here. She glances at Dom, his apologetic face fills her with rage. Who is he to be sat there with _her _mum? To be conspiring against her? This is what he wanted isn't it? Get her out the way and have full access to Ange for himself. This rage is the thing that finally gives her the power to speak. They're both staring at her, sympathy and guilt pouring out of them. She takes a shaky breath in, "What are you on about? I'm _FINE." _It comes out louder and more aggressive than she intended. She knows she is treading a fine line so reigns it in slightly, she locks eyes with her mum – hoping she can pull on her emotions, be her weakness. "I know I've been acting differently, I'm sorry. I'm just tired mum, I've been working extra shifts to fill the time so I'm not alone and I think I've run myself down too much. You don't need to worry though. I'll take some time off, cancel my extra shifts. Recharge my batteries. I'll be up and running again soon." She smiles, attempting to show she's fine. In reality they all know she is falling apart. She continues to pinch the skin on her wrist, willing her mum to say something.

Ange tilts her head, offering another sympathetic smile to her daughter. She lifts her hands and cups Chloe's face "That's good sweetheart, I'm glad you're willing to cut back at work. But there's more to it than that isn't there? We know.." She stops, glances at Chloe's wrists which are covered by her long sleeved top and closes her eyes for a second, when she opens them again they're glistening with tears that threaten to fall. "We know you've been self harming Chloe. I saw the cuts. You've been skipping meals too haven't you? This goes way beyond a few extra shifts at work and I'm sorry but we can't pretend this isn't happening anymore. You need to let us help you." Chloe starts to protest but Ange cuts her off immediately before she can get her excuses in "You need to let us help you Chloe, or I'm going straight to Jac Naylor and Hanssen, I will make sure they know _exactly _what's been happening and we all know that if that happens you won't be able to work anymore. They'll not trust you with patients and _I promise _you Chloe, things will feel one hundred times worse." Ange hated herself for threatening Chloe, knowing that her job was the only thing keeping Chloe going right now. But she needed some leverage, she needed Chloe to know she was serious and that she wouldn't sit back and watch this happen anymore. But that didn't ease the guilt as her daughter crumpled before her, the panic radiating through her body and her breathing becoming quicker. Ange glanced at Dom, to gauge his reaction, to see if she'd got her point across but as he sat there open mouthed, with tears in his eyes staring between them both she begun to doubt everything that she'd said and done leading up to this moment.


	3. Chapter 3

She reached out to touch her daughter, to comfort her. Just as she made contact Chloe's head whipped up "NO! Don't touch me. Don't you _DARE _touch me." Chloe stood up quickly, knocking the chair over as she did so. She began to pace around the room, running her hands through her hair and tugging at it. The tears had started to fall and her the look of betrayal on her face was enough to make Ange want to take it all back, to cuddle her and not let go. But that wasn't a possibility now. Chloe looked at her brother in revulsion then turned her attention back to her mother "You don't know what you're talking about! You have no idea what's going on in my head right now. I AM FINE. I don't need your help or your pity" Her tone had turned to one of disgust. Her agitation becoming more prominent as she digested what her mum had said to her, the ultimatum she was given. Ange was desperate to pacify her now, not wanting her to get to a point with her anxiety where she was pulled into her own world, unable to be reached.

The elder woman stood up and walked over towards her daughter but as she approached, Chloe whimpered and she knew she had to back away, she knew crowding her would be the worst thing to do. She took her tone down to the one she always used when Chloe was at crisis point. Firm and strong but soothing. "Chloe, I want you to listen to me now. Okay? Listen to what I'm going to tell you. I know you're scared, I know you think you're fine but you're not. We're not trying to hurt you, we're just here to help you" She took a side step, put herself back into Chloe's path, wanting to keep reassuring her that despite this panic they weren't going to leave her. "We want to keep you safe. We want to support you, to help you stay in control." She was doing her best to keep the situation calm, to stop Chloe spiralling any further.

The young girl snorted, "Control? You want to help _me _stay in control? By threatening me? By lying about my health and giving me ultimatums? You don't want to help me. You want to be in control of me. You're just like him, just like Evan. Nobody ever just leaves me alone. You all see me as this weak, pathetic creature who will do and say what you want. Well _Mum _it's not happening. I'm not ill. I don't know what you think you saw but you're wrong. I don't need your help. I don't need you interfering in my life anymore, I'm a grown woman. You can't make me do anything." As she spoke she became more agitated, pacing quicker, scratching her head and face. Clawing at her skin to relieve the tension building inside her. Subconsciously she reached for her wrist again, pinching and twisting, digging her nails in until she bled.

Ange looked at Dom desperately, she needed his help. Things were spirally quickly and everything she did seemed to make her daughter worse. She shot him a pleading look and he reluctantly stood up. He made his way over to Chloe slowly, hands up in a surrender motion to try and stop her from running away. "Chloe, you can deny this all you want but we can see it. I can see you've lost weight. Your mum, _our mum _has seen the cuts. You're hurting yourself right now, do you even realise you're doing that?" As he speaks Chloe catches herself digging at her skin, notices the flecks of blood blossoming from the nail marks on her wrist. She tries not to draw attention to it, instead running the palms of her hands down her outer thighs. She knows they've seen though. How could they not? They've not taken their eyes off of her, following her every move as if she's an animal at the zoo. As she focuses on keeping her hands away from her wrist, she doesn't notice Dom creeping closer and closer. He is so close to her now, "We care about you Chloe, we love you. I…I don't know what to do to help. I don't know what's going on in your head but you need help. You're not okay." He makes eye contact with her as he says this last bit, noticing her eyes are darting around the room, unable to focus on one person or object for too long – he assumes this is due to the anxiety. He reaches out to rub her arm, to offer some comfort, to be the protective big brother he wants to be but this sets her off again. Just as his fingertips make contact she jerks her arm away, her eyes darken with rage and she practically growls at him. "Don't come near me, you're not my family. She didn't even want you. She let you go and live with another family Dom, what does that say about you?" she doesn't mean it, not really but she wants him out of there. She doesn't want him to see her in this state, besides he's strong. She needs to get her mum alone, she stands a higher chance of convincing her she's fine if she can get her alone. She takes another shaky breath before continuing "Even when she found out about you, she still didn't want anything to do with you. You forced yourself upon us, wormed your way in. Is this what you wanted? To be her right hand man? Convince her I'm unstable and then you get to be that shoulder she cries on? God you're pathetic dom."

Ange had warned him that she would be angry, that she would lash out but it didn't make it sting any less as the words came out of her mouth. He was still insecure about the relationship they had and hearing somebody else confirm it was like a slap in the face. But he had to stay focused. As Chloe protested what they were saying about her, this behaviour – this panic and fear just confirmed it. He tried again to de-escalate the situation, "You can say what you want Chloe, you can try and push me away but I'm not going anywhere. I want to make sure you're safe. Even if that means you hate me. I'd rather know you were getting the help you need and never have you talk to me again than walk away now and know that means letting you die."

He didn't expect those words to come out of his mouth, he could tell neither of the women expected them either. It was like a physical blow to Ange, as if somebody had punched her right in the stomach. She bent over slightly and gasped for air, trying to compose herself as the seriousness of the situation washed over her again. But Chloe? They just added more fuel to her raging fire. She exploded. She let out a deep, throaty scream and Dom knew she would draw attention to the office now. "Why can't you see? I'm not the problem. You are! Everything was fine until you turned up, I was fine! I don't need your help but even if I did you'd be the last person I'd trust. You're a snake!" It was as though she was possessed, her ranting built up more and more. As if she'd lost all control now, she was practically running around the room, going from side to side. Eyes darting between the two people who had trapped her here. Breathing quickening, heart rate rising again. Rage increasing. Agitation snowballing. Without knowing it she was scratching at her wrist again. Increasing the amount of blood, from small specks to a slow trickle. She couldn't feel it, couldn't feel anything. But that didn't mean Ange and Dom were going to let her hurt herself more while they stood and watched. They'd called her here to help her, no matter what it took.

Cruel to be kind. That's all that was going through Dom's head as he lunged towards Chloe, pulling her into a bear hug and holding her tight, her arms clutched to her stomach – stopping her from hurting herself or anyone else.

As she registered what had happened, who had trapped her and the fact she couldn't get away from him, Chloe began to thrash frantically. Ange cringed as she knew her daughter would hate this, she hated being restricted – the claustrophobia and panic setting in even when she was laying Ange on the sofa. But Ange also knew that Dom was doing what he thought was best, and frankly she had no better ideas right now. She know Chloe was going to seriously injure herself or physically attack somebody else so she needed to be restrained for the moment, just until she regained control. Until she could be trusted not to lash out.

Chloe's angry screams turned into desperation to get out of Dom's strong grasp. She began to sob and plead but Dom didn't budge. He felt like the worst person in the world right now, and all training about treating people with mental illnesses had gone out the window but he didn't care. She was safe for this few seconds, unable to hurt herself any further.

The more she pushed against his arms, fighting against the hold he had on her, the tighter Dom squeezed, not wanting to lose his grip – knowing if she broke free now then they had lost their opportunity to help.

Chloe became frantic now, begging for her mum to help her. To rescue her. Ange stood there, watching the scene unfold. Unsure how to help, unsure what to do for the best – torn between leaving her there, knowing she was safe but in despair or attempting to diffuse the situation but risk her being able to hurt herself. After 30 seconds of watching her struggle and plead Ange couldn't take it anymore. Couldn't take the fear that was shining through on her face and in her voice. She didn't want this for Chloe. She didn't want to cause her more distress, she ran over and sat beside her two children. Her two beautiful but oh so different children. She grimly nodded at Dom, signalling him to keep going despite the heart wrenching pleas of his younger sister. She sat cross legged, facing Chloe. She ignored the begging to let her free, pretended she couldn't see Chloe struggling to reach for her. It was breaking her heart knowing her baby wanted her comfort, but she couldn't give it, couldn't give into this illness. Instead she sat and rubbed Chloe's arms, stroked her face and played with her hair, all while whispering words of encouragement, attempting to soothe her. "Hey, it's okay. You're okay. You're safe. We've got you. It just me and Dom. You're fine, you're going to be fine" She made eye contact with Chloe as she continued to sob and plead for her. "I'm right here, I'm right here next to you. You're fine, you're with Dom. I'm not leaving you, just relax. Keep breathing." Despite Ange being less than 3 feet away Chloe was still desperate for her mum, desperate to get out of Dom's hold. Her pleading just got stronger and she was becoming more and more worked up despite their efforts to soothe her. Ange never broke eye contact with Chloe, didn't take her hands off her last born. She continued to repeat the same words of encouragement over and over.

It was a side to her Dom had never seen, she was known to be patient- but not like this. Not this fierce, protective mother that was pouring out. Dom knew it was taking everything she had not to scoop Chloe up and calm her down, to pretend this had never happened. To pacify her. He could imagine all those nights during Chloe's childhood where she was unwell and needy, all those nights he had missed out on with her and that familiar pang of sadness hit again.

Ange repositioned herself, Chloe whimpering as she broke contact with her and within those few seconds that it took to reconnect Chloe had begun wailing again, back into full blown panic where nobody could seem to help her "Please, please, please. Mum help me, Please. Get him off me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Mum, please. I'll be better, I promise. Please mum, help me. Please" Ange's heart broke and she begun reassuring her that this wasn't a punishment, this was just to help her and as soon as she was safe they would let her go. She began tracing patterns on Chloe's arms again, stroking her hair to soothe her. "Shh-sh-sh, it's okay. I'm here Chloe. I'm right here. You're safe. You're going to be just fine. I'm here."

Dom began to get more concerned, it had been 20 minutes of them crouched on the floor, today definitely hadn't gone to plan. Chloe was much more unwell than he realised and he was terrified at this moment. Despite Ange's gaze being locked firmly on Chloe he attempted to get her attention, when that failed he came straight out with it "I think we should call psych…I think….I think we need their help." Although Chloe had been locked in her own world of fear, unable to be settled by Ange's words, the minute she heard Dom her eyes went wide, breathing hitched again. "Mum, mum, no, no, no, no. Please." She begun to struggle more, arching her back and twisting to attempt to free herself. Ange knew there would be no going back from this now, there was no way she could settle her in Dom's arms. Not when she was like this, she needed to intervene now. She debated the idea of agreeing to Dom's suggestion. To getting the psych team down. She knew as a consultant they would listen to her immediately, they could give Chloe a low dose of a sedative, give her a couple of hours reprieve and they could deal with the repercussions when she woke up. She seriously considered it, looking between her son – muscles flexed attempting to keep Chloe restrained, then her daughter – her face swollen with tears. Her body exhausted by the fight she was putting up. She knew this had gone far enough for today. She was just about to agree, to dial the number she needed for backup when Chloe caught her eye. "please mum, don't. I'll do whatever you want. I'll eat what you want, I'll go to counselling. I'll do whatever it takes. Please, please don't call them. That'll be the end of my career. They'll section me, you know they will. They'll pump me full of meds again. Please. I just want you. I just want you to help me."

Despite the fact they were all exhausted, Ange took it as a small victory that Chloe was admitting she needed help. She let out the breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "Okay, Chloe. Okay. We'll do this together. Just us." At that moment she nodded to Dom to let go of her, she saw the concern etched on his face but she knew, that right then the only thing that was going to calm Chloe down was her. He released his hold and Chloe flew from his arms to her. Wrapping her arms around her mum's neck and crawling into her lap like a child. Ange began to rock her and soothe her, holding her body tight as her sobs echoed throughout the room. After just a few minutes Chloe calmed down. Ange gripped both her arms tightly, pulling her daughter back to look at her. "I mean it Chlo, you need help. This has proved it and whether you like it or not, you're stuck with both of us. We're going to the GP as soon as I can get you an appointment." Chloe tensed up at this, hating the idea of having to talk to strangers about what was happening, having to face their judgement of a doctor who couldn't even look after herself. Ange noticed her reverting back and quickly moved it on "I'm going to tell Jac you wont be in for a few weeks. I don't want any arguments. They don't need to know what's happening but you've proved to us you're not safe to be at work right now." Chloe's face fell and she began chewing on her lip as the enormity of the situation hit her, realising there was no escaping this now. Ange ignored this and carried on, knowing she needed to get it all out now – while Chloe was open to the possibility of change "I'll be staying with you -I'm due some time off and I'm going to be watching you. We're going to do this together." She glanced at Dom "As a family. Which includes Dominic. He is here to support you too. I know you can't see that right now but honestly love, we just want the best for you. Besides how much better could it get, two doctors looking after you? Now come on, up you get – I know you've not had breakfast yet, no time like the present eh?".

Ange stood and helped Chloe climb to her feet, she took in her daughters pale face that was still tear stained and swollen. She pulled her in for another hug "I'm so proud of you sweetheart, I love you so much". Chloe attempted a small smile but the prospect of sitting here and eating a full meal with the two of them watching her filled her with dread.

Dom stood awkwardly, shuffling from one foot to the other. "Erm, I…I am….I think I'd better get to work. I'll keep an eye on the ward while you two..Well, while you erm…you know?" Ange smiled gratefully at him, knowing he was upset and needed some space after that episode. While still keeping hold of Chloe's hand she moved over and hugged him, squeezing him tightly to try and show her appreciation. She pulled back and looked at him, "I'll ring you later ok? Thank you Dom. I really, really appreciate it." He nodded quickly and escaped the room before Chloe could talk to him. Ange knew he was upset about what she'd said during her episode and made a mental note to reassure him. But right now, she turned her focus back to her daughter, "Come on then you, let's get you something to eat!" She attempted to sound light and cheery, but she knew that the big battle was yet to come. It's one thing to agree to have some help to stop the hospital's psych team coming and injecting you, it's another thing to actually do it when you have a plate of food staring back at you. Ange knew this was just the start and mentally prepared herself for the upcoming fight on the walk to the canteen.


	4. Chapter 4

Ange quickly realised, once they'd made it downstairs that there was no way Chloe was going to sit and eat in front of everyone. She'd walked the whole way in complete silence, with her head ducked down, willing herself to be invisible and as they approached and she saw everybody sat down, enjoying their coffees and grabbing food to fuel them for the day Chloe stopped dead. Ange walked a couple of steps ahead of her then turned around, grabbing Chloe's hands and rubbing them gently "Come on, it's okay. We'll get something and take it back upstairs. Or better yet, we'll take it home. I'll phone Hanssen and update him and we can head off. Have a Chloe and mum day, yeah?"

The tears threatened to fall and Chloe knew she needed to stay in control here, in public. She sighed and rubbed her face, "Can you go, mum? Just go and pick me something. Oh, and a coffee – black, no sugar" Ange hesitated, reluctant to leave her alone – reluctant to have to choose her food for her, knowing whatever she got would be wrong. "you sure you don't want to come, see what they've got..." Chloe shook her head quickly "no, whatever you get is fine" It didn't matter to her what she was given, she wasn't planning on eating it anyway. Ange flicked her gaze between the café and her daughter, weighing up how long it would take and whether this was worth the battle – especially when they had so many ahead of them. Finally she sighed and gestured to the chairs nearby "Okay, fine – but you wait here. I'll be as quick as I can." With that she hurried away, hoping to be back within just a few minutes.

Chloe got lost in her thoughts again, thinking about how to get rid of whatever food she was presented with without raising suspicion from her mum. She just needed to get her to chill out, to think she was getting better so she'd back off. Then everything could go back to normal. She could carry on the way she was, lose the excess weight she'd gained. She knew her mum would be searching her for new cuts, she'd have to be more careful. She couldn't afford to mess it up now. As soft as her mum was she knew she'd have no issue with having her locked away somewhere if that's what she thought she needed. The thought made Chloe shudder, imagining them shovelling food into her – watching her every move. She couldn't let that happen, no – it was far better to be at home, with her mum. With her _brother. _As the time went on, Chloe became more anxious about what her mum was choosing for her. She should have gone, she could have picked a piece of fruit and convinced her that she felt too sick after this morning's drama. Deep down though, she knew that wouldn't cut it now. She'd blown it today, gave them the spectacle they were anticipating and now they were going to be all over her. _Stupid girl _she thought, _can't even get that right. Everyone else would have kept calm, not fallen to pieces. This was all her fault. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid. _

Ange approached, two steaming coffee's in her hands and a bag of food tucked under her arm. As she got closer she paused for a second, taking in the scene in front of her. Chloe was sat on the chairs in the corridor, legs bouncing up and down with anxiety. She was hugging herself, trying to make herself as small as possible, hoping nobody would stop and chat. She looked so vulnerable, so scared. She tried to convince everyone around her that she was strong, independent. But Ange knew, she knew how she struggled. The demons she battled. How she was fragile, she'd always needed more support than other kids. Ange's guilt swelled as she realised she'd taken her eye off the ball, been preoccupied with Dom and that situation to realise that Chloe was back here again, fighting against her mind. She knew she needed to get back in control of this situation. To fight for Chloe until she was ready to fight for herself. No matter what it took.  
It was only as Ange noticed Chloe scratching her wrist again – too caught up in the battle going on in her head to realise that she was doing it - that she jumped back into action, interrupting Chloe's thoughts and pulling her up, discreetly pulling her sleeves down again – putting the barrier in place to stop Chloe's nails causing more damage.

"Here, one _large_ coffee, thought we could both do with the caffeine kick.." she braced herself for the reaction to this as she lifted the coffee cup and attempted to pass it to her daughter "white, with one sugar_.'' _Chloe had started to reach out for it but immediately paused, dropping her arm limply by her side. "No, black with no sugar". She crossed her arms defiantly, lifting her chin up slightly – attempting to swallow the anger. She really wanted that coffee, but she didn't want the unnecessary calories her mum was trying to sneak in. Ange smiled at her, sensing another outburst could be forming "Chlo, you've drunk your coffee white with one since...well, since you were a teenager. I'm not going to change that now just because you're scared…Remember you have to let me help you. Sometimes you're not going to agree with how I do that, sometimes you're going to hate me for it. But I've only got your best interests at heart. So you either take it or leave it. I have a bottle of orange juice for you in the bag, if you'd prefer to have that now?" Chloe weighed it up for a split second before storming off without her coffee. Ange sighed and rushed after her.

Quickly they arrived back on the ward and hurried back to the privacy of Ange's office. Chloe's bag and a change of clothes was sat on a chair waiting for her, Dom had gone to fetch it – realising she wouldn't want to face everyone and their questions on Darwin. The young girl smiled quickly at the thoughtful gesture then the realisation hit, he might have gone through it. He might have seen the diary where she tracked her weight. Seen the blade she'd been using. Panic coursed through her and she ran over to the bag, quickly checking through the contents. Nothing had moved, nothing was missing. At least he respected her enough to not pry through her belongings. As she threw her jacket on, not wanting to get changed in front of her mum but not wanting to risk drawing the attention of anyone on the ward if she left, she vaguely heard the end of the muffled conversation between her mum and the CEO. It had been passed off as a family emergency, more details to follow. Chloe knew this meant when she wasn't around, but at this moment she didn't care. She just wanted to get out of here. To go home, to get back into bed and pretend this awful day had never happened. Ange grabbed her belongings and they made their way out of the hospital, Chloe clinging onto her mum's arm as they walked – as if she needed the protection from the outside world.

They climbed into the car and Chloe immediately started crying, she didn't even know what had triggered it. The emotions of the day had caught up with her again and she realised she had truly lost control now. Being driven home by her mum, who was making choices for her again like she was 12. That unsettling feeling knotted in her stomach again and she glanced at her mum. She was staring back at her, attempting to offer a small smile but looking thoroughly miserable herself. That made Chloe feel even guiltier – not only was her anxiety causing herself problems, but it was impacting on her family too. How selfish could she be?

Ange wiped the tears away from Chloe's face "it's going to be okay; we're going to figure this all out. Together. You're my beautiful daughter and I can't wait to have you back to normal - happy and healthy again." Chloe turned away at this, her mother's praise making her feel self-conscious and annoyed, she didn't deserve people being nice to her. She ruins their lives. Ange stroked her hair again, looking at her sadly before starting the car and pulling away from the hospital.

A few minutes passed in complete silence before Ange remembered the breakfast sat in her bag. "Chloe, sweetheart?" the younger girl turned to face her, tear tracks running down her face. "I've got your food in my bag, why don't you eat it now? That way you can have a nap when we get back to mine?" She flicked her gaze between the road and her daughter, watching the anguish on her face as she reached down to get the paper bag. She peered inside and Ange held her breath, waiting for her reaction. Chloe turned to glare at her and Ange stared firmly at the road ahead, pretending she wasn't bothered by Chloe's reaction. "Really mum? A croissant, why didn't you just buy me a stick of butter instead? There would probably be less fat in that than this" Her nose crinkled with disgust as she dropped bag, reluctant to even touch it. The fear telling her the fat in the food would seep in through her skin if she held it too long. "Anyway, why haven't you got one? Why is it only ME that has to eat this crap?" Ange glanced at her, frowning "Chloe, enough. You told me to pick, so I did. You used to love croissants. Now, you can start eating it or we can go back to the hospital. I can't force you to do anything anymore, but I can certainly involve the right professionals who can".

Chloe's breathing became rapid and shallow, she couldn't put that in her body. She couldn't. She wouldn't lose everything she'd worked so hard for, she was just starting to feel her bones. She wouldn't give that up. She peered at her mum, who was focused on driving, and started to methodically rip up the croissant into equal sized pieces. Laying them all out on top of the bag. Her mum glanced at her again, she kept her tone light and easy but there was a serious edge to it, "Anytime you want to start actually eating rather than playing would be fine Chloe. I want that gone by the time we get home. Okay?" Chloe looked back at her, rolling her eyes and muttered "yes fine, mother". She was getting desperate now, they were only a few minutes away and she wasn't getting away with this like she thought she would. She picked up one piece, rolling it between her fingers. Ange pretended not to notice what was happening, thinking that by drawing attention to the fact she was about to eat would stop her again. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Chloe took a deep breath and put the smallest bite of food in her mouth. Ange wanted to scream and cheer in victory but her heart broke for her daughter as she noticed the tears forming in her eyes. Her hands shook as she picked up another piece and raised it to her lips. Ange could practically see the guilt building up in Chloe already, she would definitely need distracting when they got home. There was complete silence in the car as Chloe battled with herself, her hands trembling, her body shaking with the silent tears rolling down her face as she put the croissant into her mouth, piece by agonising piece. Ange felt a swell of pride as the last piece went in, she knew the strength it had taken for Chloe to do that and she celebrated internally that getting her to eat wasn't as much of a battle as she expected. Maybe she'd caught it in time, maybe the young girl just needed a push in the right direction – somebody to tell her it was ok to eat, that she didn't deserve to punish herself like that. Maybe it really would all be okay. Just as Ange started to relax and pulled into her street she saw Chloe gag in her seat beside her. Instinctively she reached out to comfort her, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on her daughter's arm. "Just breathe through it, it's just a croissant -don't overthink-". It was too late though, the window flew open and Chloe spat out the croissant, it was a chewed mess but not a single bite had been swallowed. She'd sat with it inside her mouth, waiting for her moment to get rid of it. Ange swallowed her disappointment as she realised she was being too optimistic. It was never going to be that easy. Chloe knew every trick in the book to try and fool her and Ange knew she had to be stronger, be firm with her. Or risk losing her.

Chloe turned in her seat, eyes pleading "I'm sorry mum, I tried. I really did. I just couldn't do it. Not yet, I promise I'll eat something for dinner though, ok? I'll be better later once I've slept." Ange smiled sadly at her, ignoring the fact Chloe felt her next meal attempt would be this evening, "it's okay sweetheart, we'll try again when we get home. Surprisingly I have a ton of food in the house for once, I'll make you something else. Maybe some toast? We'll do it together." Chloe shifted uncomfortably, practically squirming as they pulled up outside the house "I feel sick after that, I can't eat anything else yet. I need to chill for a while". Ange turned the engine off and undid her seatbelt, turning her full attention back onto her daughter "well you didn't eat that did you? So yes, you can have _something_ to eat. Once you've eaten you can have a nice long bath and a sleep, but first we need to get something inside of you. I told you Chloe, I'm not going to sit back and watch you starve to death." She didn't wait for her daughter's response and quickly climbed out of the car. She walked slowly round to the passenger side, allowing time for what she'd said to sink in. She opened the door and held out her hand for her daughter to take. Instead Chloe pushed herself out the car and wrapped her arms around herself, denying Ange any contact. They walked up to the front door together, Chloe a few steps behind, dragging her feet and sulking. As Ange pushed open the door she moved aside to let Chloe through first. When she followed her, she walked up to her daughter, cupping her face with both her hands and sighed "I'm sorry. I know this must be really hard for you. I'm not trying to be hard on you. I just don't want it to end up like last time…I don't want you to end up in hospital again Chloe. You need to trust me". She kissed her child's forehead and walked away into the kitchen, grabbing onto the table as she did and drawing in a long, shaky breath. She closed her eyes and swallowed the fear and guilt that was rising up like vomit. She had to stay strong for Chloe, she couldn't afford to break down now. Not when she was needed the most.

**A/N: Should I carry on writing this story? I had a rough idea of where I wanted to go with it but i'm not so sure now. I feel as though the chapters are long winded and slow?**


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a rough few days in the Godard house. Chloe had fought Ange at every mealtime, she'd been sneaky and desperate to get away with hiding food. Ange had struggled to stay composed throughout the arguments, the only reason she managed it was because she knew she'd regret it if she lost her temper. Not only that, but Ange knew she'd cut again. She saw it last night in bed, when Chloe's pyjama shorts had ridden up slightly. 3 large, fresh cuts on her thigh. Ange didn't know what she'd used, she had thought she'd hidden everything in the house. The toll of caring for her grown up daughter was beginning to take its toll on Ange, she had a constant headache, was jittery and felt exhausted. With every mealtime being a battle Ange wasn't eating much herself, she lost her appetite every time she saw Chloe staring at the food in disgust, working out how many calories were in it and fighting against having to eat it.

Just as she sat down with a cup of tea to relax she heard a blood curling scream. She ran upstairs to Chloe's bedroom where she was supposed to be napping. As she threw open the door she saw her daughter rolling around on the bed, eyes open but oblivious to her surroundings. She was scratching at her skin, her forehead dripping with sweat. Ange jumped into action, climbing onto the bed next to Chloe and laying her head in her lap. She ran her fingers through her daughters hair and attempted to pull her out of this latest panic attack. "Chloe can you hear me? It's okay. You're okay. I'm here with you." Ange attempted to comfort her daughter but it didn't seem to be working. Tears were pouring freely from Chloe's eyes now and Ange reached over and wiped them away gently. Chloe's entire body was shaking, it got so bad at one point Ange actually wondered if she was having a seizure. Eventually, Chloe turned her head slightly and locked onto eye contact with her mum- the terror evident in her eyes, she was gasping for breath now, feeling worse and worse as time went on. "Mum, help me" she begged. Ange's heart broke at that, she took Chloe into her arms and began to rock her, shh-ing her as they moved. She attempted to keep her voice level and calm, the last thing she wanted to do was let Chloe know how terrified she was too right now. "If I could, I'd take all of this pain away Chloe. I'd never let you suffer again, but I want you to know – you are the bravest person I've ever met." Chloe shook her head slightly at this, as though she couldn't comprehend the idea she was brave. Her fingers were squeezing Ange's arms – her silent plea for help that Ange couldn't give. The older woman began to cry quietly herself as she realised she was powerless to stop this, she couldn't keep on like this – pretending what she was doing was helping. Chloe needed proper help now.

Ange was sat on her bed, attempting to read but actually just replaying the last half an hour in her head, when she saw Chloe lingering by the doorway. She caught her eye and smiled warmly at her. "Did you get some more sleep?" Chloe crinkled her nose and shook her head slightly "no, but I stayed there and relaxed for a bit. I feel better for it." Ange nodded at her and held her arms out "Come and lay with me, I could do with a bit of Chloe love and affection right now" Chloe snorted and smiled, then crawled over to her mum, pulling her into a tight hug "Mmm I love you mum, I'm sorry for all the drama I bring into your life." Ange pulled back upon hearing this, holding Chloe's shoulders and looking at her square in the eyes "you, my darling girl, have NOTHING to be sorry for. You don't bring drama, you're fighting the biggest battle of your life. I'm lucky to be able to support you through that." Chloe looked up at her and grinned, the first real smile Ange had seen on her daughter's face for a while and there was a stab of guilt as Ange knew she was about to ruin that.

She took a deep breath, rubbed her hands up and down Chloe's arms and squeezed firmly, not sure if this was to reassure Chloe or herself. "I've put this off, hoping we wouldn't have to involve anyone else. But I think it's time now Chloe" Chloe knew what her mum was beginning to say and started to shake her head frantically "No. No! I DON'T WANT TO MUM" Ange her hands a reassuring squeeze, she began to speak again, with a firmer tone now "Chloe, it's normal to be scared. I know you don't want to speak to anyone about this but I'm not helping you enough. You're unwell darling, I'm going to book a doctors appointment for today. Ask them for another referral to the mental health team. They'll be able to give us some more support, to help get you on the road to recovery. If I thought there was any other way then we would try it, but honestly, I think this is for the best. Trust me, okay?"

The tension was high in the house for the rest of the morning. Ange had rung the surgery and booked an appointment at 12.30, the last one before lunch so they had a bit more time to discuss everything. Chloe wasn't angry with her as such, but she was just terrified at the reaction she was going to get. She knew how the system worked but still she panicked and assumed that this was it, they were going to be able to see she really was crazy now and lock her up. She wondered if that's what her mum wanted? To have her sectioned? She nearly asked her a few times but bottled it, afraid to hear the answer. She sat in silence, trying to mentally prepare herself for the appointment. To think about what she needed to say. She'd decided that she didn't want Ange in the room, and had told her so earlier. She didn't want to have to filter her emotions, to try and protect her. Ange initially was hurt and concerned that Chloe wouldn't tell them the truth about the situation but after some discussion Ange realised this was something Chloe was set on and there was no changing her mind. Before she knew it Ange was calling for her to come and get in the car, she'd felt every second ticking away this morning but it still felt too soon to have to face this.

Ange watched sympathetically as her daughter frantically bit her nails, another new nervous habit she'd developed. She didn't want to speak, didn't want to say the wrong thing and make Chloe's anxiety even worse, so they sat in silence in the waiting room of the doctors surgery. Chloe's legs began bouncing up and down, faster and faster the longer she waited. Ange could see her squirming in the seat next to her, checking her watch for the time every 2 minutes. She wrapped her arm around the younger girl's shoulders, rubbing her thumb gently across her skin to offer some comfort, she jumped as Chloe talked "I know I said I didn't want you to come, but I've changed my mind. Will you come in with me? It's always awkward and I never know what to say. I..I feel like they're going to judge me" Chloe hadn't even finished her sentence before Ange was nodding, actually pleased to be able to be involved. At least she could ensure the doctor knew how serious this had become. "Of course I will sweetheart, I'll do whatever you need me to. But just so you know, they're not judging you. Even when they ask you questions they're just trying to figure out the best way to help you." Chloe knew this deep down, knew she'd prompted patients with all sorts of questions herself but that logic had gone away for this moment. She nodded stiffly and turned back, facing straight ahead again, barely blinking and fidgeting more as time when on. Finally, her name was called. Ange stood up first and for a split second she panicked when Chloe made no effort to move, she didn't want to have to drag her in but she would if that's what it took. Thankfully, Chloe stood up slowly, her legs shaking so badly Ange was worried she would collapse. She watched sadly as the young woman put her head down and walked as quickly as she could, aware of everyone in the waiting room staring at her as she walked past.

The appointment had gone smoothly, Chloe had skirted around the edges of the truth and Ange filled in the gaps with the depth of detail needed for the doctor to understand how serious it was. He had nodded encouragingly throughout and listened attentively, asking questions to clarify. He took her observations and noted "well your blood pressure is a little bit low, but that's to be expected with everything you've told me. Your heart rate is a little fast but I think we can put that down to the anxiety of this appointment cant we?" He smiled gently at Chloe who blushed and ducked her head. "Your temperature is slightly high though, so I think we do need to consider if you have an infection brewing. It wouldn't be unheard of in patients who self-harm." There was no judgement in his tone but Chloe cringed nonetheless, as if she was regretting mentioning anything at this point. "You said you haven't been purging after meals?" He looked at Chloe first who shook her head and then at Ange to confirm this. When he was satisfied he'd got a true response he turned to face Chloe directly. "Right then, we'll get some bloods taken, just to check you over." Chloe shuddered slightly upon hearing this, she hated needles. She didn't even like sticking them into patients let alone somebody poking one into her. Her face paled, Ange stifled a smirk – knowing exactly what her daughter was thinking. She had always mocked Chloe for this fear, she'd had to go with Chloe to hold her hand even as a teenager getting her routine injections, forcing her to attend the appointments despite Chloe making all kinds of excuses. Chloe glanced at Ange then back at the doctor sitting before her, "Mum can take my bloods, saves coming back for another appointment." She laughed nervously, attempting to lighten the situation but the doctor shook his head "That's ok, you can pop down to the nurses treatment room after we're done here. I'd like to get them done as soon as possible." Chloe gulped and nodded her head slowly, attempting to paint a smile on her face but failing miserably. Ange rubbed her back, attempting to comfort her. Chloe looked over, her eyes wide with fear but playfully glared at her mother when she realised Ange was barely containing her giggles.

As soon as they were out of the consultation room Chloe whipped round to look at Ange, "You could have at least offered to take my bloods, now I have to let some stranger stick a needle into my veins. Great, thanks very much mum." Ange rolled her eyes at her daughters dramatics, reaching out to hold her hand "Chloe, you're going to be fine. They probably do bloods more than me! It'll be over before you know it. I'll even come and hold your hand!" Ange smiled playfully at Chloe but she was in no mood for a joke at this point "Too right you will! This is your fault this is happening, I didn't even want to come today. Do you know what the worst thing is? I know the cuts aren't infected! They're fine, we've been looking after them…He's just being cautious, covering himself because you're a bloody consultant! Now come on, I'm about to go and be stabbed!" Ange couldn't hold it in anymore and giggled slightly, even though she was scared Chloe was still the most dramatic person in their family.

As the nurse prepared everything to take the bloods Chloe reached out and took Ange's hand in her own. She felt the reassuring squeeze from her mum but that did nothing to calm her racing heartbeat. Ange turned Chloe's face towards her own, encouraging her to look at her rather than the needle. Chloe squeezed her mum's hand tightly as the needle broke the skin, then she flinched badly – moving her hand as she did so and then froze, eyes wide in terror as she heard the familiar hiss of the blood bottles that meant the vein had blown and they were unable to get more blood from that site. Meaning they had to try again, _great_. She turned to face the young nurse, "Maybe we should just leave it today. We'll come back another time…in a week…or two?" Ange frowned and said sternly "No Chloe, you're going to sit there and let her do her job. Stay nice and still and it'll be done in a minute." Chloe slumped in her chair, sulking like a teenager and held out the other arm for the nurse to use. She once again stared at Ange, looking for moral support and clenched her jaw as she felt the nurse prepping her skin for the second attempt. Finally, she got it this time. Chloe made sure to stay still throughout the whole process, the only thing she could focus on was the rhythmic rubbing Ange was doing on her back. Once they were done she stood quickly, eager to get out of there but no sooner had she taken a step forward before she had a ringing in her ears and her vision blurred. "Mum?!" Ange leapt forward and caught Chloe just as she collapsed, the last thing the young girl was aware of, was her mum calling out for the nurse to get some help.

Chloe opened her eyes and was surprised to see her mum's face just inches from her own. She had a cold flannel on her head and attempted to sit up, confused about what had happened but Ange's hands pushed her straight back down "Just wait there a second Chloe, get your bearings. You fainted after having your bloods done but you're okay." It all came flooding back to Chloe now, she sat up slowly this time, looking around the room at all the faces staring at her. The doctor she'd had her appointment with was the closest one to her, he chucked as she blushed "Fear of needles eh? No harm done. We'll give you a ring with those test results. As long as you feel okay now you're free to go." With that the room cleared out and Chloe looked at Ange, both women immediately burst out into laughter. "mum! How embarrassing.." Ange nodded, not even attempting to deny it "yeah you might want to rethink what you said about the infection…it's less shameful if you're unwell rather than just being a big old scaredy-cat" Ange nudged her playfully then helped her to stand, "Come on, lets get you home. Think you can make it to the car okay?"

Before she pulled out of her parking space Ange turned to face Chloe, putting her arm round her shoulders and pulling her in for a hug. She kissed her daughters cheek. "I am so proud of you for what you just did. I know you were scared but you did it anyway." Chloe blushed and shook her head "Oh yeah, great, now everyone knows just how weak I am. Let's just hope they can help or this has all been for nothing…" Ange frowned slightly and stared at her daughter, "Hey! I promise you, you're going to get through this. I know you don't feel like it right now, but you've done it before – you can do it again! We'll get you back to feeling better, terrorising us all and you'll be able to go and live your life however you want to. I know I said it before, but the amount of strength you're showing to fight this just proves how incredible you are. This illness is not a weakness, in-fact I think this is going to make you a better doctor, a better person. You'll know what it's like to have gone to hell and dragged yourself back from there. Not many people can say that Chloe."


	6. Chapter 6

The next day, late in the evening the phone rang loudly, echoing throughout the house. Ange jumped up and answered it quickly. Chloe stared at her throughout the conversation, assuming from the responses Ange was giving that it was about her. Her stomach churned, the anxiety growing as her mum looked over at her with hurt visible in her eyes. After what felt like hours Ange hung up the phone and made her way back over to Chloe, sitting down beside her and taking her daughters hands in her own. Chloe shifted slightly, feeling uncomfortable under Ange's gaze. She chuckled nervously, "what? Who was that?" Ange seemed to think about her response for a few seconds before answering quietly, "That was the doctors surgery. Your blood results are back…you were right – all of your infection markers were normal, maybe he was just being cautious." Ange smiled sympathetically at Chloe. The young girl knew there was more to it but Ange seemed reluctant to continue. "And? The bloods are done already so you don't need to look so scared mum. If everything is fine then why do you look like you've seen a ghost?" Ange looked down at her lap, fiddling awkwardly with her hands. She summoned the courage to continue with this conversation "There was no sign of infection, but your bloods showed your electrolytes were deranged. Chloe, are you sure you haven't been making yourself sick? That's what the doctor thinks is causing all of this"

Chloe's breathing picked up, her heart beginning to pound. _She'd been caught. _She attempted to deny it but the words came out a jumbled mess and as the realisation hit that she'd couldn't get away with this anymore she burst into tears. Ange moved in quickly, comforting her daughter. She hadn't known about this, hadn't suspected it. Every time she felt they'd made progress, started to move forward something knocked them backwards. She was beginning to get frustrated, not with Chloe but with the situation. The fact she wasn't getting better. The fact Ange was trying her hardest but still wasn't helping at all.

Once Chloe had calmed down Ange continued with relaying the rest of the conversation. "He made the referral to the mental health team, while we wait for an appointment for them he booked us in with the community eating disorder team for an urgent home visit. He said they'll be able to help us, to teach us ways to cope with this. And..he suggested we see a dietician, get a meal plan in place. He wants to repeat the bloods in a week and if nothing has changed he will want you to go into Holby, have some fluids and be monitored for a few days."

Chloe turned to face her mum, dread etched over her features "Firstly, I do NOT have an eating disorder, okay? I just don't have a big appetite right now." Even as the words came out of her mouth she knew they sounded pathetic. "Secondly, I don't need a dietician poking their nose in. You're feeding me, you keep me alive throughout my entire childhood – you didn't need a dietician then did you?" it wasn't meant to sound as harsh as it did, she was just desperate to stop them formulating a meal plan, knowing she was getting away lightly with Ange at the moment – she refused to let them ruin that. She took a deep breath "finally, I am not going into Holby. That's ridiculous. I'm not going to be the latest bit of gossip for the hospital." Ange listened patiently to Chloe rant, knowing it was just the anxiety fuelling her again. Once her daughter had finished, she countered all of her arguments once more "I don't need to tell you how dangerous these bloods could be. You're a CT registrar Chloe, you know if your electrolytes don't improve your heart could stop. You're already malnourished and underweight, we don't need to place more strain on your body. All of this is to help you. If they say you need to go into hospital, then you'll go. The last thing you want is to be sectioned…which they'll do if you carry on destroying yourself." Chloe's face fell at this last sentence, panic immediately engulfing her. "is that what they said? On the phone? That they want to section me?" She jumped up, began pacing around the room again. Ange mentally chastised herself for what she'd said, not thinking before she spoke. She walked over to Chloe, holding her by the shoulders and tilting her chin so they were looking directly at each other. "No Chloe, they didn't. But you need to realise what you're doing is serious. This can't go on forever, at some point we'll have to intervene further. Make sure you get the right help. But, _I promise _you Chloe, I would only ever let that happen if I felt we'd tried everything else first. If there was nothing else I could do. I want to protect you, look after you. I wouldn't let them take you away from me without a fight, okay?" Chloe attempted a small smile but it was clearly forced. Her anxiety wasn't subsiding and she felt she was losing control again. She made her excuses and hid herself away in her room where she silently cried herself to sleep, having many nightmares throughout the night about being locked away, miles from home and with strangers surrounding her.

The next morning Chloe woke up with a pounding head, the result of unresolved anxiety. She looked at the clock: 10.36, how had she slept so long? Why hadn't she been woken up for breakfast yet?

She heard Ange moving around downstairs and dragged herself out of bed. She was shocked as the entered the kitchen, expecting her mum to be relaxing with her morning coffee but instead was met with the scene of her sat at the table with 2 strangers. She froze instantly, attempting to back out before she was noticed but just at that moment her mum looked up, smiling nervously at her "Ah Chloe, good you're up!" The two strangers turned immediately and stood to greet her, introducing themselves as two nurses from the eating disorder service. Chloe stood there awkwardly, instinctively pulling her sleeves down over her hands and biting her lip. Ange saw the anxiety building and jumped in to save her, guiding her to the seat next to her at the table. There was an awkward silence as Chloe stared at the glass of water Ange placed in front of her, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. The younger of the two nurses begun the conversation, detailing the services available to help them. Chloe attempted to listen but that familiar tightness in her chest reappeared, growing rapidly as everyone around her agreed to a treatment plan that clearly she had no say in. Lost in her thoughts Chloe had not heard them speak to her, the first she knew of it was when Ange nudged her gently. She looked at them, face blank, indicating she had not heard the question. The elder nurse smiled at her "We asked how you thought everything was at the moment?" Everyone was focused on her, awaiting her response. "I..erm" she cleared her throat and tried again "I think it's okay. I mean, it was tough at first but mum's been helping. I've been eating a lot better, having my 3 meals a day. I feel a lot better." She forced a fake smile and attempted to sound positive. Under the table she was pinching her wrist again, desperate for some form of release. Ange reached under the table discreetly, moving Chloe's arms apart and holding her hand, attempting to show support while still stopping her from hurting herself.

The younger nurse looked down at the notes in front of her, not even glancing at Chloe as she spoke "well, we can see here things aren't looking too great according to your blood tests and according to your BMI you're severely underweight. We were having a chat to your mum before you came down, I understand you're staying with her?" At this she glanced up at Chloe, waiting for her to nod before continuing "we're going to schedule you in for weekly visits, so we can monitor your weight and decide what action to take. In the interim period we've suggested a dietician for you to see, we're going to prescribe you some supplement drinks to have alongside your meals to boost your calorie intake and we've given your mum some leaflets for counselling services available." Chloe didn't like her tone, didn't like the fact she was expected to just jump on board with this, agree to be fattened up. She crossed her arms defiantly, "And what if I don't agree? What if I don't want the supplements, don't want to talk, don't want to be fed up like some turkey before Christmas?" Ange was about to jump in and attempt to diffuse the situation when the nurse beat her to it "Well, then your weight will continue to decline and we'll admit you to the inpatient unit. We'll give you glucose intravenously, monitor you and if you continue to refuse food then we'll use a nasogastric tube. I think you'd agree that staying here with a few supplements is the nicer option?" Her tone was blunt and unforgiving. There was none of the comforting tones that Ange used. Chloe was speechless, even Ange was unsure about what to say. It was an approach neither of them were used to and one Ange desperately wished her daughter wasn't on the receiving end of. The elder of the two nurses sensed the mother and daughter needed some time alone to digest the information they'd been given. She gathered their notes and scheduled an appointment for the following week to review Chloe. Ange showed them to the door as Chloe sat at the table, thinking back over the appointment – the fear growing rapidly as she replayed their threats.

Ange reappeared in the doorway, concern etched over her face, "So.." Chloe looked up at her, attempting to hold back tears. "She was a bit full on wasn't she?" At this the young blonde broke down, the tears flowing down her cheeks "Don't make me see them again mum, please". Ange rushed over, pulling her daughter in for a hug "Shh, it's okay. It's just a shock that's all." Chloe pulled back, pleading with her mum once again "Don't let them do that to me, promise me you won't let them do that to me?" Ange seized this opportunity, hating to manipulate her daughter but knowing she needed to get her point across "Well you carry on eating and prove them wrong and we won't have to worry about that will we?" Chloe nodded eagerly, anything to prove she was trying her hardest – to prove she didn't need to be in hospital. She layed her head on her mum's shoulder and sniffled as she calmed down, absentmindedly playing with her mums hair like she used to as a young girl.

Ange waited for Chloe to calm down and once she was sure she was okay she sat up, facing her daughter. "I've…I've asked Dom to come and sit with you for an hour or so. I need to run into work, grab a few files and I didn't think you'd want to come with me. I thought if he came this morning, he could stay for lunch? We've not seen him for a few days and I know he's worried about you." Chloe scowled at her, "I'm not 5, I don't need a babysitter! I can stay here for a few hours on my own. In fact, it might be nice to have some time to myself". Ange shook her head, reaching up and running her fingers through her hair in frustration. She rubbed her eyes and when she opened them she looked directly at Chloe "No, no you can't. You might not be a child but you're not well enough to be alone right now. I can't turn my back without worrying about whether you're going to hurt yourself, and now whether you're going to make yourself sick. So humour me Chloe, let him come and stay with you – put my mind at ease?".

As Ange spoke, the guilt rose inside Chloe. She knew her behaviour was affecting her mum but it still hurt to hear it. Tears glistened in her eyes, a lump forming in her throat. "Okay, fine – he can come. What are you going to make me have for lunch today?" The anxiety was evident in her voice as she tried to plan ahead for what she had to eat in front of her brother. She could barely cope with Ange staring at her, another pair of eyes would be torturous. Ange looked at her briefly, staring at the dark circles beneath her eyes, the chapped lips, her pale cheeks. She sighed sadly " You heard what they just said to us - we shouldn't discuss food until it's time to eat. Remember?". Chloe visibly cringed at that term _eating disorder, _she hated that label, without missing a beat she began to protest "I don't have an eating disorder! I just…I'm just…"she glanced at Ange and realised it was useless protesting, her mum wasn't convinced by what she was saying. Chloe sighed dramatically "well, they only said that because it's supposed to reduce the anxiety about food but it won't mum. It'll make it worse, I just want to psych myself up for it. Prepare myself. Especially with Dom coming. If I know, then I can get my head round it more. Make sure I'm ready…" Ange huffed loudly, cutting Chloe off "Most people don't have to _psych themselves up _to eat Chloe. The only reason you want to know is so you can work out how many calories you'll be getting, I'm not stupid. Let's just stick to their idea for now, we'll see how it goes. If you really don't think it's working we'll discuss it with them next week, they're the experts." Chloe nodded tightly, realising she wasn't going to win this battle. Instead, she attempted to steer the conversation away from her "film time?" Ange smiled and nodded quickly as the two women made their way into living room together.

Just as the film ended there was a knock at the door, Chloe jumped and looked at Ange – seeking reassurance as she did every time she was nervous now. "It's okay – it's just Dom!" she watched as her mum went to answer the door and came back with her brother trailing behind. There was an awkward moment where Chloe didn't acknowledge him at all, until finally she looked up and smiled – "Hey Dom." He visibly relaxed upon hearing her voice, they hadn't seen each other since he was restraining her in Ange's office and he wasn't sure how she was going to react to him being here so hearing her acknowledge him was all the reassurance he needed.

Ange fussed around both of them - attempting to ease any tension. She gathered her belongings and stood by the door, looking at Chloe and hesitating. The younger girl realised she was unsure about leaving her and attempted to reassure her "Go mum, I'll be fine!" Ange relaxed slightly, kissing her daughter on the side of her head and then turned her attention to Dom "I'll be about an hour, there's snacks in the cupboard if you're hungry. I'll make lunch when I get back so don't worry about that. If you need me, I'll have my phone on me. Call me for anything...Okay?" Dom nodded reassuringly, and hugged her quickly "She'll be fine, I'll look after her." Ange cast one final glance at her youngest, realising they hadn't been apart for nearly a week and suddenly feeling nervous about leaving her. Before she could talk herself out of going she rushed out the front door, promising to be back as soon as possible.


	7. Chapter 7

As silence fell upon the house Chloe cleared her throat and attempted to get Dom's attention "Look, I am so sorry for what I said the other day. It was awful and I didn't mean it, honestly. I was just lashing out, trying to hurt you and that was so, so wrong of me." Dom shrugged his shoulders "It's fine Chloe, I get it. No hard feelings. Anyway, how are you?" Chloe smiled gratefully at him, unable to believe how kind he was being considering how she treated him a few days ago, she fidgeted nervously "I'm okay, I mean I'm still crazy but mum's on this mission to save me so I'm sure it'll all be fine eventually" Dom pulled her in for a hug "Don't say that, stop putting yourself down Chloe". She squeezed him tightly then pulled away "That's enough soppiness for today don't you think?" Both of them laughed together and relaxed back, feeling better now they had cleared the air.

The next hour passed quickly and before they knew it they heard Ange's key in the door and then her familiar footsteps. She poked her head in on them, smiling when she saw they had both survived the time together.

Suddenly the guilt took over her for lying to them, letting them think she'd been at work but she quickly swallowed it down, realising it was a necessary evil. She looked down at the bags by her feet, at the folder of information in her hands and felt more nervous than she had in days. She knew she had needed the support but wasn't sure how Chloe would react. Bracing herself for the reaction she walked in, the pharmacy bags in full view. Dom jumped up and attempted to offer her help but she shrugged it off, trying to get to the kitchen as quickly as possible. Chloe blocked her path, pointing to the bags with rage flashing across her face "What are they?". Ange put her head down as she side stepped past the young blonde "_these _are your supplements…you heard what they said. We need to increase your calories so I picked them up on my way home." She didn't dare look at Chloe's face, knowing it would be either angry or disgusted. Instead she looked at Dom, taking in the nervous look on his face, "How was it?" he attempted to hide his nerves and smiled widely, "Yeah good, really good. We just watched TV." Ange smiled cheerfully "Ah good, right you two. You go and sit down while I get lunch ready." Dom took another step forward, "No I don't mind helping – you look exhausted" Ange quickly denied his offer to help, explaining Chloe had to stay out of the way while she cooked. Dom nodded quickly, embarrassed that he knew nothing about it but he quickly went to work distracting his little sister while Ange hurried around in the kitchen. After 20 minutes or so he excused himself, wanting to check on his mum. He was worried about her, she'd looked tired and thinner herself. He wanted to make sure she was looking after herself. He walked around the corner, looking at her frantically attempting to get everything ready, to get it all perfect. She jumped as she noticed him, asking if Chloe was okay. He confirmed everything was fine and explained that he was checking on her. Ange scoffed "I'm fine Dominic, just been busy!" He wasn't convinced but decided to let it go for a while, he didn't want to push her away. To impose himself on her. She passed him some water for the table and asked him to fetch Chloe in which he gladly went to do.

Just as Ange placed their plates on the table they appeared together, Chloe dragging behind and biting her nails again. Ange rubbed her back as she guided her to her seat. She went back into the kitchen to get her own food and to grab a supplement drink for Chloe.

As she approached the table and Chloe saw what she had for her the younger girl attempted to bolt from the table but Ange was quicker, blocking her path. 'Sit down Chloe, Now". The blonde weighed it up but deciding against another spectacle in front of Dom she slumped down into her seat. Staring indignantly at the food and supplement that had been placed in front of her. As the other two began to eat Chloe began the familiar ritual of separating all the food, ensuring nothing was touching. Dom stared at her, confused by the behaviour but Ange kicked him discreetly under the table, pulling his attention away – not wanting to Chloe feel more pressure than she was bound to be already.

They attempted to keep the conversation flowing, to provide a distraction to the tense atmosphere in the room. Dom updated them about all the drama at work while Ange laughed along politely and Chloe stared at her food, prodding it occasionally with the fork and sneering. Dom noticed Ange was too preoccupied with watching Chloe to have eaten much of her own food, he was determined not to let her burn herself out, "not hungry?" Chloe's head whipped up defensively, expecting the question to have been aimed at her but snorted quietly when she realised it wasn't, replying quickly to him "Oh no, she doesn't eat when she's stressed. Just forces me to. Hypocrisy at it's best." Ange frowned cautiously, "I'm not not eating, just listening and taking it all in, not often I manage to get both of my kids together is it eh?" she smiled as she took another bite at food, shooting a warning sign at Dom to drop it in front of Chloe – not wanting her to see the stress her mum was under.

Chloe reluctantly made her way through the plate of food with occasional encouragement from Ange. Dom watched the scene unfold and felt sympathy for his sister, realising how hard it must be to fight against the voices every day, multiple times a day. Ange took another deep breath and nudged the supplement towards Chloe, she didn't say a word but just raised her eyebrows and nodding, prompting Chloe that this was what she needed.

She watched as her daughter picked up the bottle, hands shaking and legs bouncing with anxiety. The young woman sniffed the bottle and gagged instantly, slamming the bottle back on the table "I am NOT drinking that!" Ange smiled sympathetically, not envying her daughter for having to drink them – knowing they tasted vile "It'll be fine, a few mouthfuls and it'll be gone." She attempted to pass it to the younger girl again but Chloe shook her head and crossed her arms. Dom stared between them and wanted to break the tension in the air, he reached across and picked up the bottle – smelling it as Chloe had done moments earlier "mmm, chalky" his eyes shined as he made the joke but as Chloe's eyes darkened and a flash of annoyance crossed him mum's face he knew he'd done the wrong thing. "I'm sorry…I was just trying to lighten the mood…" Chloe rolled her eyes, tears glistening and Ange just shook her head, disappointed by him. Ange moved closer to Chloe and placed her hands on her daughters arms, holding the bottle up for Chloe to take "Come on, remind yourself of what they said earlier. A supplement here is better than a nasogastric tube in the hospital." Chloe looked up at her mum, the anxiety evident across her face. She reached out and took the drink. Swallowing it quickly, as soon as she was done Ange discarded the bottle and began clearing the plates. As she passed Chloe she kissed her head and whispered how proud she was. Chloe stared straight ahead, attempting to hold back the tears and swallow the guilt she was feeling. Dom sat there awkwardly, not knowing what to say or do. As Ange caught his eye she attempted to reassure him with a smile but he just turned his attention back to Chloe, watching sadly as the demons in her head destroyed her for eating her lunch.

Ange knew she needed to distract Chloe for the next hour or so, to get her mind off purging the food that was currently sat in her stomach. She sat and watched as her daughter got lost in her own thoughts over and over again, unable to follow the conversation Dom was trying desperately to lead. She sat next to Chloe rubbing her arms gently, trying to keep her calm – to stop the panic building up. Chloe suddenly sat bolt upright, sweeping her hair out of her face "I'm going to be sick, mum." Ange rubbed her back but held her shoulders, preventing her from running off "no you're not Chloe, you're fine. It'll pass, just breathe through it." Ange lifted Chloe's legs over her lap, cradling her daughter like a baby. Chloe was twitching, itching to get away – to get rid of this food. She could feel the lump of it in her stomach. She could feel it seeping in and making her fat. As if she could read her mind Ange began to whisper to Chloe "I know it doesn't feel nice. I know your stomach hurts. But it's going to get easier. Your body just needs to get used to having food again. You've just got to sit with this and let it pass. You're so brave Chloe, so brave." Chloe let the tears fall now, feeling as though all she did anymore was cry. She clung desperately onto her mum, trying to keep her breathing steady. Ange began to rock her slowly, to let her know she was there. Slowly Chloe regained control again and sat up, smiling gratefully at her mum. She glimpsed at Dom, "Sorry, I know you didn't come to watch a freak show." He glared at her angrily "Stop talking like that about yourself Chloe, I wont have it." His tone made her jump and he held his hands up in a surrender "I don't want to hear you talk like that, you're not a freak. You're just struggling." Ange smiled warmly at him, proud of both of them. Suddenly she felt emotional, watching them both there together – supporting each other. Tears welled in her eyes and she blinked them away quickly. She sat up straighter, feeling suddenly very sick. She put it down to the emotions of the current scene. When it didn't pass she knew she needed some water. She looked at both of them, "Coffee anyone?" both of her kids nodded eagerly at her and once again her heart swelled with pride, suddenly realising how similar they were.

She smiled happily and stood up, ready to go and make the drinks. Suddenly her ears started ringing, as she took another couple of steps her vision was hazy, looking like everything was underwater. Just as her knees buckled she heard Chloe scream and Dom calling her name, then there was just darkness.


	8. Chapter 8

She can't open her eyes, she feels like they're glued shut.

She feels icy cold hands touching her face, rubbing her cheeks. _Chloe. _Warm hands moving her into the recovery position. _Dom. _Then nothing.

She feels a sharp pain in her finger as the paramedics test her blood sugars. She feels Chloe running her fingers through her hair, just as she's done for her daughter so many times. She tries to move but she can't. Then there's nothing.

She can hear voices, they're familiar but she can't place them. It's not Chloe or Dom. Where is she? She feels hands on her, helping to move her from the trolley to the bed. This time she manages to move her arms, moving out of somebody's grip. She's being pulled around; she wants everyone to stop touching her. She tries to move away from them. Something's squeezing her arm. It's getting tighter, she wants that off, now! She tries to get to it, but somebody stopped her – moving her hand away.

"Ange, can you hear me?" She frowns. Who is that? She's starting to panic, is this what Chloe feels like? Is that what this is? Is she having a panic attack? Or is she dreaming? Why can't she open her eyes?

Suddenly, a flash of light. She managed it! She opened them. Only for a second but she did it. She opens them again, tries to focus but everything is blurry. She can see shapes moving around. She frowns, trying to focus on them.

Gentle hands touch her face, steadying her head and shining a torch into her eyes. Everything goes white for a second but once she blinks everything is slightly more focused. She turns her head, bright lights, beds. She's in hospital. She's confused. Nothing makes sense. The hospital is familiar, but her brain isn't working enough to tell her where it is yet.

People are all around her. Calling her name, touching her.

What's that on her face? She pulls it away, but as soon as it's off somebody gently takes her hands and it's back on. "Mum, leave it, it's just some oxygen, it's helping you" _Chloe is here?_

"Sharp scratch Ange" She tries to move her hand away from the source of that pain but somebody is holding it tight. She hears them mutter "No – lost it, we need to get access". They grab her other hand, tapping it lightly. She tries to get it away, doesn't understand what they're doing. Just knows that they're hurting. "Ange stay still. It's okay, you're at Holby. You're fine". She's at Holby? What's happened? She tries to sit up but there's a shooting pain in her head as she moves. Then it's pounding. She tries to reach up, to touch it, see if she's bleeding but they move her hand away again. Then there's nothing.

There is a rhythmic bleeping, it's getting louder. It's really close by. She opens her eyes. Everything is too bright. Is she hungover? She feels hungover. She tries to move. Hands on her again, she looks at the source of those hands. Tries to focus on the blonde hair, the face she knows better than anything, slowly everything comes into focus. The young girl is crying. "Mum? Mum, can you hear me? It's me, it's Chloe. You're okay. I'm here."

Her hand hurts. She looks down. She has a cannula in, fluids running through it. She tries to take it out, to stop the pain. "No, no no no no just leave that" She looks back at the young girl. She's still confused. She can't focus on anything. She knows she's safe but her brain is fuzzy. She needs to sit up. She tries to push herself up. "Just stay still for a minute. You're okay mum. Just lay there. You're fine." Chloe. Chloe's here. Chloe's here sat beside her, and she's stuck in a bed. What's happened? Her head hurts. She's going to be sick. She heaves. She looks at Chloe, eyes wide. Then somebody else is there. Dom. He has a bowl. She can't hold it in anymore, she's gagging again, then she's violently sick. Her body shaking.

It's stopped now. She feels better.

She looks at Dom, tries to smile but doesn't have the energy. Looks at Chloe. "What happened?" It's barely a whisper but they hear it. Chloe's face crumples. She reaches out and pulls her mum into a hug "God we were so scared." She still doesn't have answers. She looks to Dom. He rubs his eyes, sighs loudly "You collapsed. We couldn't bring you round. The paramedics said your blood sugars were low but they couldn't get it up so they brought you in. You hit your head when you fell. We're waiting for the CT result. They're giving you IV glucose. Your blood pressure is low. All your other obs are stable. You were lucky" Ange tried to take it all in, to get her head around it. She opened her mouth to talk but closed it quickly again. She sensed Dom had more to say. She was expecting a lecture at any moment.

Her throat is scratchy. She looks around. Chloe senses what she needs and hands her a glass of water, helping her to sip it slowly. She relaxes back in the bed. Stares at her daughters face. Chloe is biting her nails furiously, a frown etched onto her face. Ange calls out for her "Hey, it's okay. I'm okay! Nothing to worry about." Chloe just shook her head and laid her head on her mum's chest. Listening to her steady heartbeat, reassuring herself that she was ok. Ange run her fingers through Chloe's hair habitually. She turned her head to look at Dom, he stared back at her. He looked tired, frustrated. His gaze flickered at Chloe before landing back on Ange. As if he was debating talking but thought better of it. She gave him a small smile, "Oh not you as well? I'm fine!" Tears welled in his eyes, he rubbed them away quickly. Shook his head. "You need to start taking care of yourself. I thought…I thought something bad had happened. I thought I was going to lose you. Again." Guilt bubbled up, she knew she hadn't been taking care of herself, but she just wanted to make Chloe better, that had been her only focus. She realised how stupid that was now, how she'd made everything better not worse. Still, she didn't want them to know that. She laughed lightly "Hey, you two scaredy-cats. Bit of a drop in blood sugar and you panic. It'll take more than that to knock me down. What kind of doctors are you anyway?" Her tone was calm, trying to joke to lighten the situation. Dom just stared at her, raising his eyebrows. Chloe hugged her a bit tighter, bringing herself in even closer "Not funny, too soon." Ange kissed the top of her daughter's head, giving her a tight squeeze. She reached over and held Dom's hand, rubbing circles with her thumb. Her eyes grow heavy, resting her head back onto the pillow. Chloe goes to move off her Mum but Ange pulls her back, holding her tighter. They lay there together, cramped on the small bed as Ange drifts off to sleep, feeling stupid but lucky. And very, very loved.


	9. Chapter 9

When Ange comes round Chloe has moved off the bed and is sat in the chair next to her. Her face is pale but streaked with tears. Her legs bouncing furiously. Ange focuses quickly, reaching towards Chloe – hurt when her daughter flinches away from her. "sweetheart? What's wrong?" Chloe looks at her briefly then pulls her gaze away, focusing on the hospital bed. "This is my fault…I…I caused this. You were looking after me and then you got ill. I'm SO so sorry mum." Ange attempts to sit forward, to reach her and comfort her but the pain in her head explodes as she moves too quickly. She grimaces and Chloe recoils, jumps up and backs into the corner of the room. "I…I'm sorry mum…I didn't mean to hurt you! I swear I didn't mean to!" Ange lifts herself up slowly this time. "Chloe, come and sit here with me." The blonde shakes her head, eyes wide with fear. Ange pulls the blanket back, lifts her legs down. Goes to disconnect her IV, anything she needs to do to be able to get to her daughter. Chloe watched her and quickly realised what she was about to do - "No! Don't touch that, you need it. Okay, I'm coming!"

Chloe rushes over, lifts her mum's legs back into the bed, covers her with the blanket again. Smooths the edges of the IV dressing back down. Anything so she doesn't have to look at her mum. Ange knows she's avoiding her, so she gently grabs Chloe's chin, lifting her face and giving her no choice but to look at her. "This" Ange gestures around the room "is not your fault. I was stupid, I didn't look after myself and now I'm paying for it. But I don't regret it. I'd do it all again if it meant helping you, even slightly. I don't want you blaming yourself about this Chloe. I'm a big girl, I knew what I was doing. Okay?" Chloe didn't look convinced but nodded slightly anyway, playing with her mums fingers as she did so. Ange glanced at the clock. "Have you eaten?" Chloe looked at her boldly, "No, have _you?_" Ange chucked quietly "Touché".

At that moment the doors opened, Serena and Essie walking in together. Both of them smiled warmly at Ange and Chloe. Essie busied herself taking Ange's observations while Serena checked the IV. She looked up at Ange "How are you feeling?" Ange scrunched her nose up "I feel fine, ready to get that cannula out though" Serena smiled but shook her head "Not quite yet I'm afraid. I'd like to give you some more fluids first, we'll take it out once I'm happy your blood sugar is stable." Ange shrugged "How much longer do I have to stay here? Like I said – I feel fine now. I'm ready to get back home." Serena and Essie glanced at each other, Ange spoke up again before they could answer "Oh no, I'm not staying here tonight. I'm _fine, _just need a sandwich and a cup of tea.." Serena looked at her sternly "Nice try, we'll let you know when the CT results are back." Essie smiled warmly at the woman, rubbed her hand "Buzz if you need anything!" With that both women left the room, leaving Ange, Chloe and a sleeping Dom alone again.

Instantly Ange turned to Chloe, "I am not staying. I'll self-discharge if I have to!" Chloe shook her head, smiling weakly at her mum's stubbornness, "You won't! You'll do what you're told, whether you like it or not. You had us all worried mum, we need to make sure you're actually ok. If we hadn't been there when you collapsed…well I don't even want to think about that!" The tears welled in Chloe's eyes again and Ange reached forward to wipe them away, nodding solemnly at her daughters impression.

It had been a few more hours since Ange found out they wanted to keep her overnight. She had a mild concussion but with the glucose they'd managed to get her blood sugars back up into a normal range. She'd made the decision that she couldn't stay there, couldn't leave Chloe alone for the night. Dom had offered to stay with Chloe but Ange knew he would be out of his depth – that Chloe would manipulate the situation to her advantage.

Chloe had gone home to gather a few bits for her mum, expecting her to need some fresh clothes and toiletries. Ange was reluctant to let her out of her sight, worried about what Chloe would do but the younger woman had insisted, promised she would be fine. Once she'd left Ange arranged to leave, Serena only agreeing to it if Dom and Chloe agreed to monitor her and making Ange promise she would seek medical attention if she felt worse. Ange had decided to surprise Chloe back at the house. She knew she felt guilty for what happened, and she wanted to reassure her – convince her she was okay now. Dom arrived to collect her, and they drove home in a comfortable silence.

Once inside the house Ange had that familiar sinking feeling. Although nothing was out of place, she could sense something was wrong. She signalled for Dom to follow her, making sure they were both silent. They made their way up the stairs where they heard Chloe crying loudly, unaware that anyone else was in the house.

Ange crept up to the bathroom door, she stole another glance at Dom who nodded encouragingly. She took a deep breath and flung the door open. Nothing could prepare her for the scene in front of her. Chloe was laying on the floor, her face swollen, eyes red from the crying. There was the smell of vomit in the air, she'd clearly purged. More than that though, there was blood. So much blood. Chloe was only in a bra and pyjama shorts. Ange couldn't actually see the cuts to begin with, because her entire body seemed to be covered in crimson red.

Chloe's head whipped up as she heard them gasp. The panic registered quickly as she realised who it was and what she'd been caught doing. She flung her arms around herself, dropping her razor blade noisily to the floor beside her "no! Don't look at me! Leave me alone!" Ange had frozen, she couldn't move. Couldn't speak. Dom was the one who lunged forward, using his foot to move the blade out of Chloe's reach. Chloe's screams barely registered with Ange. She couldn't believe what she was seeing, couldn't believe her daughter could lose that much blood and still be conscious. She watched as Dom tried to approach Chloe, too detached to do anything to help him. Finally, Dom's voice pulled her out of this haze "MUM! COME ON! I need your help. Please!". At that she jumped into action, running over towards Chloe and grabbing the towel. She attempted to wipe some of the blood off her daughter's stomach, to identify the cuts – find out how bad they were. Chloe pushed her hands off her, her nails scratching her mum's forearm as she fought desperately to be left alone. "Chloe, it's okay. You're safe, we're going to help you. We need to stop this bleeding though. You've lost too much blood already." Chloe's face was more pale than usual, her eyes darting around the room – avoiding eye contact with her mum or brother. She spotted the blade by the door, had this overwhelming surge of desire. She didn't care if they saw her cut again, they'd seen her covered in blood with fresh cuts. It couldn't get any worse.

She propelled herself forward, but she wasn't quick enough. Ange grabbed her back, pulling her in tightly to stop her reaching the one thing that would give her a release. Dom quickly snatched the blade and threw it out of the window. Not caring where it landed. Chloe let out a heart wrenching, soul destroying scream as she realised she had no chance now. Ange rocked her, not caring there was blood all over her own clothes now. She felt her daughters bones grating against her skin. Felt the warm pooling of blood and knew she needed to act now. "Dom, go downstairs, get the first aid kit. Now!" he didn't glance back as he raced out the room, desperate to help in any way. Chloe continued to fight against her mum "No, I don't want your help. Get out of here. Get away from me." Her attempts to push Ange away were no match for Ange's strength. Instead she found herself trapped again. Ange had her corned, like a wild animal and she approached her again with the towel. "Chloe listen to me, I need to stop that bleeding. I'm going to press down okay? This might hurt a bit" She felt the rough material make contact with her tender skin. She whimpered slightly then felt the burning pain as Ange put all her strength onto her stomach, desperate to stem the bleeding. She howled in pain, attempting to move away from the pressure but Ange moved with her "I know sweetheart, I know it hurts. I'm sorry, I have to do this though." Just at that moment Dom reappeared from downstairs, Ange barely peeked at him before directing him "Right, you clean up her legs, see how many there are. Looks like the bleeding has stopped there already." She glanced back at Chloe again before turning her attention to Dom "I can't stop this bleeding here. I need to hold the pressure on." Dom approached Chloe with some damp gauze, ready to assess the self -inflected wounds on her upper legs "NO!" Chloe kicked out, desperate to keep Dom away. To stop him from seeing her practically naked. "Get away from me!" Dom was unaffected though "I'm sorry Chloe but we need to do this" he sensed why she was uncomfortable "We'll get you covered up as soon as we can. Just let me help you" Chloe resigned herself to the fact she didn't have a choice and watched as he gently wiped at the dry blood, trying to ascertain if any of the wounds needed treatment.

Chloe felt dizzy and hot. She was about to tell her mum when she felt her hands moving, taking the towel away. Ange stared down at the mess that was her daughter's stomach "Dom? We're still bleeding up here!" Her tone was frantic, as if she had no medical training. He looked up at his mum, eyes warm and calm "it's okay. It'll stop – just keep some pressure on. It's slowed right down." Ange stared down at Chloe again, her expression apologetic. She grabbed a clean towel and placed it over the area, fought Chloe's hands away, reassuring her that she'd be as gentle as she could. Chloe watched as her mum took another deep breath, held it and pressed down with force again. Chloe arched her back in pain, writhing around the floor. She let out a throaty scream and pleaded again with her mum to stop. Screaming that she was hurting her. Ange held firm though, keeping her daughter flat on the floor and pressing down, harder and harder until eventually the bleeding subsided.

Dom had cleaned her legs, put steri strips over a couple of the deeper cuts. As Ange released her daughter Chloe shuffled away from them both, curling up in a ball as if to hide herself away. Dom glanced between the two women, both of them looked exhausted. He rubbed his face tiredly…what a day.

He grabbed some more gauze and slowly made his way over to his sister. "Chloe? I need to take a look at your stomach" She shook her head but didn't lift it up, still hiding her face. He exhaled loudly "The quicker we get it done, the quicker we can get you dressed again…" he paused, letting this sink in and Chloe slowly lifted her head. She nodded slightly, such a small movement he barely saw it. Ange crawled over to both of them, sitting behind her daughter and placing Chloe between her legs. Pulling the girl back so she was leaning upright against her mum. Chloe's face flushed with embarrassment. Dom gently began wiping around the cuts, cleaning the smeared blood so they could see what they were dealing with. Eventually he had managed to clean all the skin surrounding it, he hesitated and reached for the antiseptic solution. He grimaced as he poured some onto the dry gauze, hovering above the deep wounds. He glanced at Ange for confirmation, he watched as his mum kissed Chloe's cheek and whispered "deep breath sweetheart, nearly done". He took this as his sign to begin and dabbed lightly at the wounds. Chloe screeched in pain and attempted to cover the wounds with her hands, desperate to stop the stinging. Ange quickly pulled her daughters hands out of the way, holding them down by her side "Let him do it love, we need to clean them". The tears fell from his sisters eyes as he worked as quickly as he could – attempting to be thorough but determined not to prolong the agony for any of them. When he was satisfied they were all clean he dropped the gauze and washed his hands.

He watched as Ange moved from behind Chloe to beside her, surveying the wounds. He quickly joined her and glanced at her face, knowing they were thinking the same thing. Ange cupped Chloe's face, speaking gently as if not to spook her "These cuts Chlo, they're going to need stitching…I think we're going to have to take you to the ED sweetheart" the young woman went wide eyed "No, you have to do it. You can't let anyone else see. Please? You can do it can't you?" Ange shook her head sadly "We don't have what we need Chloe, besides I'm your mum – it's not a good idea for me to get involved." Chloe quickly turned her attention to Dom "Well you then? You can do it." Ange squeezed her daughters hands firmly "Chloe, we don't have the local or the sutures. But we need to hurry, these need seeing to." Chloe began sobbing frantically again and Ange worked on calming her down. Dom sat and watched, feeling powerless to help. He bit his lip nervously "I could…I could run to Holby?" Hope flashed across Chloe's face but Ange squashed the idea "No dom, you could lose your job. We could all lose our jobs. Besides, I think it's time we got some more help…I can't – I can't manage this at home anymore" Chloe clenched her fists defensively, tensing her jaw "I don't need other people to help me, I just need you!". Ange stroked her face gently, "This is nothing to be embarrassed about Chloe, but enough is enough. Come on, let's go."

They'd arrived at the ED and had been ushered into a cubicle quickly. Chloe drifted off into a deep sleep, exhausted by the day while Ange filled the doctors and nurses in on what had happened. She'd held Chloe's hands as the stitched her up, feeling guilty as she watched Chloe flinch in pain when they injected the local anaesthetic. She felt powerless now, standing and watching while they dressed the wounds. She felt dizzy herself and had to sit on the edge of the trolley, catching her breath and letting her body rest.

She stood quickly as Connie Beauchamp entered the cubicle, the expression on her face remorseful, "I understand how difficult this must be for you all, but we're going to arrange the help you need now. I've paged the psych team and they're going to come down now. They'll be able to tell you more about their plans. Medically you're fit to be discharged so we're just waiting on them now. Okay?" Ange smiled gratefully as Connie left the cubicle quickly. She turned to face Chloe who was silent, "Hey, it's okay. This is a _good thing. _They're going to help you" Chloe wasn't reassured though. She stared at Ange, the shock evident on her face "I've blown it haven't I? They're going to lock me up now, aren't they?" Ange shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what the outcome would be. "I don't know. Let's just wait and see what they say. Whatever they suggest, we'll get through it together." Chloe nodded sadly and Ange pulled her in for a hug. Just as they relaxed the curtain opened again and a tall man introduced himself as Malcolm from the psych team. Ange felt Chloe stiffen beside her and began to rub circles on her hand, willing Chloe to keep it together throughout this assessment. He went through the standard mental health assessment questions with them both, then asked for details about what had led up to today. He took notes furiously throughout the discussion and once he had everything he needed he put his pen down. He looked directly at Chloe and contemplated the options. "So we have a couple of options available to us, we can either admit you to our acute psychiatric ward where you will stay while we complete our assessments" Ange felt Chloe gasp and freeze beside her "Or we can carry on with an outpatient approach. It would mean you spending the days at the hospital with our therapy team but going home at night to sleep. That is our backup. Now, I appreciate you would probably prefer the later option but if I'm going to be really honest I think you would benefit from an admission. You could admit yourself voluntarily, let us complete our assessments and get you access to the right services. That way everyone knows you're safe. I'm going to make a few calls to the ward, see if there is a bed available and when we can get you up there." He quickly excused himself, escaping to make the calls with a promise to update them as soon as possible.

Chloe turned to face her as soon as he'd gone, her voice cracking as she spoke. "I don't want to stay mum" Ange sighed sadly. Chloe began fidgeting "I want to come home with you. I don't want to stay in some strange place. He said I have a choice didn't he? So why is he planning for me to be admitted?" Ange sensed the agitation in Chloe's voice and attempted to diffuse the situation "He said there were options yes, but he also said he thinks admission would be the best route to take. Now, it doesn't have to be for long. It'll just be a couple of days. I'll come and visit you. It'll just mean they'll be able to help you properly Chloe, help you move on from this." Tears welled in Chloe's eyes as she realised that everyone wanted to have her admitted. Her mum was talking like it was a done deal. Just as she was about to protest, to plead for her mums support Malcolm walked back in, a fake cheery smile on his face "Good news, they have a bed available upstairs – I've spoken to Mrs Beauchamp and I can take you up there now!"

Chloe bit her lip nervously, glancing at Ange for reassurance "So, I guess the outpatient route isn't an option anymore?" Both Malcolm and her mum looked at her sympathetically, she know what the answer to that one was then. She took another shaky breath in "Well, guess I am officially crazy. Will you…Will you come up with me? I don't want to go on my own." Ange began to nod, to assure her daughter she would be there for her when Malcolm jumped in "It's probably best she stays here, you can say goodbye to her now. She'll be able to visit in a couple of days though, don't worry." Ange's heart sunk and Chloe began to panic again "Please? I don't want to go up there without her…You said I'm admitting myself voluntarily? Well then I'm not doing it without her." She crossed her arms and lifted her chin defiantly, that feisty spark still inside of her. Malcolm looked between the two women and sighed, running his hands over his face "okay, just this once. We have to get going though, get you settled in. I promise you, you're making the right choice doing this Chloe."

The young girl took a shaky breath in, feeling sick with nerves. Ange looked at her uncertainly, worried she was about to collapse. She watched as Chloe took a few steps forward, then glanced back at her – like she used to as a child, seeking reassurance. Ange nodded encouragingly, trying to stop the tears from gathering in her eyes. She took a step forward too, catching up to Chloe and walking beside her as they made their way up to the ward.


	10. Chapter 10

There was a flurry of activity surrounding them once they entered the ward. The nurses worked quickly to obtain a blood sample, observations and weight. Chloe had been too stunned to respond to any of it, simply sitting there blankly – allowing them to do what they needed. Ange begun to worry more about her, concerned about how quiet she had grown. Was she having second thoughts about staying here?

They were waiting to hear from the consultant on the ward, anticipating the plan of action. The staff were happy her cuts had been treated appropriately and had expressed that their main concerns were her eating and preventing further self-harm. Ange wondered how they were going to treat her, how much Chloe would allow them to do. She hoped her youngest child did not get too spooked and attempt to leave without being seen to.

They sat there in silence, Chloe crying as she processed what was happening to her. The doctor finally came in, she smiled sympathetically at Chloe then turned her attention to Ange – hoping to convey the seriousness of this situation. "We are concerned about Chloe's blood results and weight. I know you've been trying refeeding at home but she has lost 2lbs since she was last seen. We're getting to the point where making sure she is receiving adequate nutrition is critical. We feel she is in real danger of doing permanent damage. So we discussed with the team and we've come up with a temporary solution." She looked down at the notes in her hand, glancing at Chloe then focusing back on Ange "Parenteral nutrition". Chloe turned to look at Ange, her eyes wide with terror "Mum!" Ange just looked at the doctor, willing her to continue. The doctor turned her attention back to Chloe "We'll administer it intravenously. It'll give you the correct combination of proteins, carbohydrates and fats-" "I _know what it is. _No. No, I don't consent to it!" Chloe shouted suddenly, making Ange flinch at the sharpness of her tone. The doctor was unphased though, clearly expecting this reaction "We feel it's better than a nasogastric tube at this point. It will allow your body to get the nutrition it needs while we give you small portions orally too. I understand this isn't what you wanted to hear Chloe. Now, you're here voluntarily so we can't force you to do this" Chloe breathed a sigh of relief, visibly relaxing "But, if you don't agree to it then I'll be forced to apply to the courts to treat you against your will. I don't believe you have capacity to make this decision at this time. Your eating disorder means you're unable to adequately weigh up the risks and benefits of this."

Chloe's breathing became more rapid, her shoulders hunched over. She wouldn't let go of Ange's hand, as if by holding onto her mum she could prevent anything bad happening. The doctor explained they were going to insert the cannula now, to begin as soon as possible. Ange watched as they gathered their supplies, she wasn't sure if Chloe's panic was more about the needle or the calories she was going to receive. She rubbed her daughters back gently, trying to stop her from going into a full blown panic attack. She felt nervous herself, wondering if this was a viable solution for them, whether she should have just kept Chloe at home with her – tried harder to make her better. She shrugged those thoughts off quickly. If the doctors thought this was what Chloe needed, then she would trust in their decision.

The nurse asked Ange quietly if she was going to stay throughout the procedure but she quickly shook her head. She couldn't bare to look at the fear on Chloe's face anymore and she knew that if she was in the room she wouldn't be able to watch them hurt her. It was cowardly of her but she knew this was what Chloe needed and she couldn't interfere with that. She wrestled her hand free from Chloe's clammy grip, placed one final kiss on her daughter's forehead then stood up to leave. She promised to stay just outside and ran out before Chloe could protest. She was sat opposite the doors to Chloe's room, twirling her hair between her fingers anxiously. Just as she glanced at the clock, checking to see how long it had been she heard the first heart wrenching scream.

She stood up frantically but managed to stop herself from rushing in. She paced outside the doors, anxiously awaiting any news. She heard Chloe crying, howling and pleading for them to stop. Her heart broke as she listened to her daughter. The final straw was when she heard Chloe calling for her. She couldn't just stand there and do nothing now.

She burst through the doors, just as they were about the insert the needle. Chloe had 2 people pinning her down but she was still thrashing around. She saw Ange come in and tried to free herself from their hold, trying desperately to reach for her mother. Ange walked over, tightly gripping her daughter's free hand and nodded for them to continue. Chloe's eyes registered what was about to come, the betrayal from her mum and she began to fight frantically. Trying desperately to move her hand away, to stop them getting access to her body. To stop them pumping her full of god knows what. To fatten her up, roll her out of here.

Finally they got the cannula in, working quickly to secure it and dress it. They released Chloe's arm and she flew into Ange's embrace. Ange rocked her gently, rubbing her back as she did so. Chloe wasn't crying, she was just staring numbly at the wall ahead of her. Ange wasn't sure if that was worse. She attempted to get Chloe's attention but the younger girl wouldn't make eye contact with her – instead she curled up into a ball on the bed – facing the opposite direction. She felt trapped. She had agreed to come voluntarily, believing she could leave at any point but now she was here she was being told if she didn't go along with their plans they were going to section her – to force her into treatment. Although technically this meant she was giving consent for procedures, it was only because they left her with no other option. Either she said yes and they did it, or she said no – they fought her decision and they did it anyway. She couldn't win. Everything was out of her control again.

The nurse came over, reaching for Chloe's arm with the cannula in. She connected the tubing to the nutritional solution and Chloe watched as it dripped inside of her. Her tears falling at a similar rate to the drops from the IV. She could feel it seeping into her, spreading throughout her body. She was convinced if she closed her eyes when she woke up she would have gained 10lbs. She was tired of fighting everything all the time. Tired of never being able to switch off. She felt her mum's warm hand on her leg, trying to comfort her. She was angry with her, angry that she hadn't protected her but deep down she knew it wasn't her mum's fault. She couldn't stop this. As much as Chloe wanted to be alone right now, she knew she needed her mum's comfort more. She rolled over, lifting her head slightly to meet her mum's worried gaze. "Mum?" Ange moved towards her, laying beside her "Talk to me Chloe, tell me what's going on in your head right now. I can't help you if I don't understand it.." Chloe placed her head on her mum's chest. Listening to the steady heartbeat below. A sound she'd sought out so many times over the years. A sound that instantly calmed her, made her feel as though everything was going to be ok. But not today. She looked calmly at her mum, holding eye contact for a few seconds before taking a deep breath "I want to die."

She felt Ange stiffen slightly, then quickly attempt to hide it. But she couldn't stop her body's reaction. Chloe listened as her mum's heart rate picked up quickly, going from a slow, steady rhythm to loud, quick pounding. She felt her mum's fingers running through her hair, twisting it and then heard her sigh "I know sweetheart. I wish you didn't feel like that, but I know that you do. I'm just sorry I can't take that away from you. But no matter what has gone on, no matter how sad you are, how scared you are – I am NEVER going to let that happen. You're not going to die Chloe, do you hear me? You don't get to die. Not before me."

Ange didn't realise she'd fallen asleep until the knock on the door woke her up. She sat up quickly, taking care not to wake her sleeping daughter as she moved off the bed. Dom appeared in the doorway looking hesitant "So they've actually admitted her?" Ange shrugged tiredly and then nodded "I don't think it's actually hit her yet though, that she will have to stay here. I'm dreading having to leave." "Did they section her?" Ange grimaced slightly and then explained "No, she agreed to admit herself voluntarily but they told her she had to accept treatment so I'm guessing if she tries to leave then they will?" Dom shuffled awkwardly, "Do you think she realises that yet? She's going to hate it." Tears welled in Ange's eyes and she tried to blink them away quickly. "She's hating everything about being here. You should have heard her earlier, her _screams. _I thought my heart was going to break right there and then." Dom grimaced and turned to look at his little sister, his voice was quiet when he spoke again – "I'm surprised she's kept the cannula in. I'd have thought she'd have pulled it out by now." Ange shrugged her shoulders "I thought so too but I guess it's the fear of them making decisions for her? It's like she's not really here Dom, she is so quiet – so withdrawn. I…I'm more worried about her now than I was earlier." He put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her in for a sideways hug. Enjoying that feeling of being with her, with him mum. She relaxed with him and they stood there in a comfortable silence, watching Chloe sleep and wondering what the next step would be.

They weren't waiting long before Chloe started to stir, she shifted in the bed, her eyes flickering between open and closed, unable to pull herself round quite yet. She stretched, feeling stiff from sleeping in a funny position. She whimpered loudly as she pulled on her stitches, eyes flying open and her hands flying to her stomach. Ange ran over to her quickly. "I've got you, let me see-" She was lifting up Chloe's top before she could protest. All of the stitches were fine, but the skin was red and angry – which was to be expected. Ange dropped her top and rubbed her arms "you've got to be careful" Chloe's eyes filled with tears "They hurt mum" her voice was small, vulnerable. Ange's chest tightened, "I can get them to give you some pain killers?" Chloe scrunched her nose and shook her head "No, it's fine. I deserve it anyway." The vulnerability had disappeared, replaced with anger and disgust. She looked around the room, noticing Dom was sitting there. "Hey, come to see my new accommodation?" She attempted to make a joke but her voice betrayed her, cracking as she spoke. Before Dom could respond, the door opened again and in came the consultant with a nurse. They smiled politely before approaching the bed. 'Chloe, it's time to say bye to your family now. It's dinner time and you need to eat." Her tone was firm, signalling there was no room for discussion. Chloe grabbed her wrist, digging her nails in. "But…he said she could stay?" her tone was nervous and unsure. Ange fiddled uncomfortably with her fingers, knowing that this moment had to come but dreading it all the same. The doctor nodded kindly, "That was to get you settled, now you're here and it's time for dinner" There was a tense moment when nobody spoke, Ange knew she had to get out of there quickly – to escape before Chloe had too long to think about it all.

She reached over and placed her hands on Chloe's shoulders, rubbing them gently "I'll come back and see you tomorrow. As soon as I'm allowed I'll be here. You're going to be fine, you're safe here Chloe." She swallowed her own tears down, not allowing herself to show weakness – it wouldn't help anyway. She wanted Chloe to think this was no big deal – watching her mum fall apart wouldn't help with that. She leant across and kissed her daughter's head. Chloe instantly collapsed into her arms, hugging her firmly. Ange squeezed her tightly then attempted to pull away, but Chloe wouldn't let go. Ange turned to look at the others in the room, desperately seeking help. The nurse was the first to approach the bed, unhooking Chloe's hands from round her mum's back. She strategically placed herself between them, blocking Chloe from clinging onto Ange again. Ange stood quickly, staring at the floor as she moved, trying desperately to keep it together. Dom quickly hugged Chloe and made his way over to the door.

Chloe was breathing heavily, sobbing as she watched them prepare to leave. "Mum, please – take me with you." Ange shook her head, not trusting herself to talk. Chloe began to stand up, not caring about the pain in her stomach "I'm coming home, I'm not staying here. I want to be with you two, I've changed my mind – I can't be here". The doctor spoke up immediately "We discussed this Chloe, you don't have capacity to make that choice. If you attempt to leave then we will have to section you, I'm afraid" her voice was apologetic but firm. Chloe's jaw dropped, suddenly realising she was going to be stuck here. _Alone._ She turned to Ange, fear and rage evident across her face "You _promised. _You promised you wouldn't leave me in a hospital without fighting for me. You promised me that we'd try everything else first" Ange couldn't hold back the tears anymore, feeling overwhelmed with guilt and nerves "We did try everything else first sweetheart. You nearly died today. You need help. You need to get better. This is me fighting for you, fighting for you to stay alive even when you don't want to right now." The nurse attempted to guide Chloe back to bed, but the blonde shrugged her off. She took another step towards Ange, begging her not to go – not to leave her here. Dom sensed the situation wasn't going to resolve and walked over to Ange, placing his hand round her shoulder and pulling her gently away. Chloe attempted to reach her too but was held back by the doctor and nurse. As Ange was pulled out the door she turned her head, looking back at her baby and watched as Chloe collapsed to the floor in tears, crying – screaming for Ange to come back. Ange halted slightly, not wanting to leave her in that state but Dom nudged her forward again, reminding her that this was for Chloe's own good. The girl's screams followed them along the corridor all the way to the exit of the ward. It was only then, as they left the ward Ange allowed herself to completely crumble, the sobs echoing around the long corridor. Dom held her closely, whispering words of support but feeling helpless himself. He held her until she'd cried herself out, she pulled back – wiping her face with a tissue quickly, embarrassed by her vulnerability. She stared at the doors to the ward, wondering what was happening to her daughter in there right now. She was frowning intently, internally debating what to do. Dom's voice broke through to her "Come on, let's get you home. You've had one hell of a day and you need to rest. She'll be fine – they'll take good care of her." She nodded and smiled sadly, letting herself be led out of the hospital – the echoes of Chloe's screams still ringing in her ears.


	11. Chapter 11

When they arrived back at Ange's house she made her way straight upstairs, to the bathroom. She stood and looked at the chaos. The blood smeared across the tiles, the dirty gauze littering the floor, the bloodied towels in a crumpled mess. She knew it was all there, that it wouldn't have magically disappeared but it hit her hard seeing it. She felt the vomit rising from her stomach, she ran for the toilet and wretched repeatedly. Once she'd finished she went and looked in the mirror. She had dark circles under her eyes, her hair was a mess. She looked tired. She splashed water on her face and sighed heavily. She couldn't bare to clean the mess up yet, logically she knew she needed to but it felt like she was erasing Chloe. Erasing the mess she'd made with Chloe. She needed to see this, to remind herself that she had failed. _To punish herself_.

She quickly headed back downstairs, going to the kitchen to get herself some water. As she entered the kitchen she daw Dom stood there cooking. He turned and smiled "I know you haven't eaten and considering what happened earlier…you need to eat." She smiled gratefully at him, amazed that he had thought of her. "Well it smells amazing. Do you want a drink?" He shook his head, concentrating on what he was doing. She made her way over to the tap, getting a large glass of cold water. She swallowed it quickly then got another. As Dom handed her a plate of food they sat at the table, both lost in their thoughts. She was poking the food around the plate, her appetite had disappeared. She couldn't bare the thought of the two of them sitting here together while Chloe was trapped there. The tears gathered in her eyes again but she blinked them away, knowing she had to try and hold it together. He looked up at her, reading her mind. "Do you think she's ok?" Ange shrugged "I hope so, I just hope they managed to settle her after the panic attack earlier. They can go on for an hour if they're not caught quickly" Dom cringed, hating the thought of Chloe trapped in her own head for that long "She's strong, she'll make it through." He paused again, looking at Ange's plate "you're not eating again?" She looked down at her food, sighing "I just…I don't have an appetite right now Dom, I really appreciate it though." He nodded, completely understanding – he'd barely eaten more than a few bites. Ange yawned loudly, suddenly feeling exhausted. "I'm going to call it a night. Are…are you staying?" He looked at her in surprise, not realising she would want him here "Of course!" She smiled gratefully and gave him a big hug, thanking him for his help that day.

As she climbed into bed she fell straight asleep, exhausted by what had happened. She managed about 4 hours until she woke up, panicky and disorientated. She had been dreaming about Chloe. Her heart ached when she thought about the fact she'd left her there. She wondered if her daughter was sleeping now? Did she have to sedate her? All the scenarios were playing round in her head and she couldn't settle. She tried to listen to music but couldn't even concentrate on that. Finally she gave up, picking up her phone with shaking hands and ringing the hospital. She got through to the operator immediately and asked to be put through to Chloe's ward. She was connected and the phone was answered quickly. She introduced herself, suddenly feeling stupid for ringing but the nurse at the other end was kind and understanding. She relayed that Chloe had been distressed this evening after dinner and had been given some medication to help her sleep. No other details, but at least Ange knew she was safe.

The morning came around quickly and she climbed out of bed early. She decided to repay the favour for Dom and make him breakfast. As she walked past the bathroom she couldn't help but smell the bleach. She poked her head in and found it to be spotless, no evidence of the drama of the day before. _Dom. _She smiled widely, feeling so grateful for him and everything he did for her. She heard the radio playing as she walked downstairs and found her son in the kitchen, cleaning everything – breakfast cooking. He looked up at her "Sorry did I wake you?" She shook her head quickly "No, I couldn't sleep…Too much going round my head. What about you? Did you get any rest?" He pouted slightly, considering how to answer "A bit, but every time I fell asleep I just thought of her. Of her being stuck there while I was here with you – it didn't seem fair." Ange nodded in understanding, squeezed his hand tightly. "I rung the ward early hours of the morning, she's ok. They had to sedate her but she's fine". They settled down together, falling back into a comfortable silence.

As she got ready to go to the hospital Dom explained he had to go home, to catch up on a few things before work later. She understood but still wished he was coming with her. She was nervous to see Chloe alone, unsure of what reaction she was going to get. She pushed the feelings down and waited eagerly until visiting hours. She set off early, hoping to catch the medical team before she saw Chloe – to get an update.

As she approached the ward her nerves increased, she hoped Chloe would see her. Would her daughter even trust her now? What if Chloe felt she was to blame for all of this? She rung the buzzer and explained who she was, she was quickly allowed into the ward. She walked towards the nurses desk, a fake smile planted on her face. She was about to introduce herself when the doctor from the day before approached her. She took Ange into her office, "I'm afraid we had a bit of an incident last night. After dinner Chloe became very distressed. She was reporting pain in her stomach but we were unable to ascertain whether that was from the food, or from her stitches." Ange nodded, unsure of where this was heading. "She became very distressed, asking for you and to go home. We once again explained that wasn't an option for her right now. Unfortunately, what we didn't realise was that Chloe had hidden her cup at dinner. She cracked it when she was left alone. She used the shards to cut herself" Ange gasped, a flash of anger. She'd left Chloe here thinking she was safer than with her – how could this have happened? The doctor continued quickly "They're fairly superficial. They were cleaned and bandaged. They didn't need suturing. But we have increased Chloe's level of supervision now." Ange was shocked, she just wanted to see her – to hold her. She explained this to the doctor who quickly agreed that Chloe wanted to see her too. Ange made her way to Chloe's room, pausing to catch her breath outside the door. She pushed the door open, heart breaking at the sight in front of her. Chloe was curled up in a ball on her bed. She was staring at the wall ahead, not blinking. Not moving. Ange sat on the bed behind her, she stroked Chloe's hair – still no response. "Chloe, it's me" with that Chloe looked up, blinking quickly and biting her lip. "Mum? You came?" Ange smiled at her through her tears, looking down at her bandaged wrists. "I'm sorry Chloe. I'm sorry I wasn't here." The blonde shook her head her face remorseful "this isn't your fault. I don't know why I did it. I just panicked and I was in pain. I wanted a distraction, it was..god it was so stupid!" Ange shh-ed her quickly – reassuring her that it didn't matter, all that mattered was she was safe. Chloe rubbed her head, frowning as she did "I don't know _what_ they gave me last night but I feel like I have the worst hangover in the world…I feel cheated – I didn't even get to enjoy the buzz!" Ange laughed loudly – all tension in the room gone.

They had a good morning together, almost forgetting that they were sat in a hospital room rather than at home together. It had been light hearted and fun. Ange believed that they'd made real progress – maybe being here was the shock Chloe had needed into starting to get better. All of that changed though, when the nurse brought her lunch in on a tray. She placed it in front of Chloe and took her place in a chair beside the bed, watching the blonde closely. Chloe was glancing between the food and her mum – the conflict going round and round her head. She knew they were going to pump the calories into her either way – she should just eat and make it easier but she physically can't bring herself to do it. Ange sensed her reluctance – her protectiveness kicking in again. She nudged Chloe and pushed the plate of food closer to her "Come on love, give it a go?" Chloe looked at her, tears already forming "it's too much mum – I can't eat that much. It makes my stomach hurt!" Ange looked down at the plate, surveying the amount present – wondering if they were pushing her too far. She glanced at the nurse then back at her daughter "it's not too much sweetheart – it's exactly what you need right now. I know you can do this, I believe in you!" Chloe reached over, her hands visibly shaking. She picked up the cheese sandwich from the plate. She began to tear a piece off, a habit she had formed. She would tear the food up, lay it all out then begin to eat it slowly. Ange had grown so used to the ritual she didn't really notice it anymore, but the nurse did.

"You have to bite into it Chloe, you know that." Ange spun round, looking at the nurse and raising an eyebrow questioningly, Chloe was just about to eat and then she'd been chastised for that. Why did it matter if she tore it up and ate it or bit into it? The nurse wasn't phased by Ange's reaction and replied matter of factly "She isn't allowed to use behaviours when she eats. It's a cycle we need to break and tearing up food is a behaviour. It's a coping mechanism and she needs to learn to eat normally." Chloe sighed loudly and lifted the sandwich to her mouth, she took the tiniest bite possible – glancing at Ange for reassurance as she chewed. Ange smiled proudly at her daughter – longing to jump up and hug her but instead she just nodded for her to continue. Chloe made her way through the sandwich, it had taken her at least 30 minutes but she'd managed it. She took a small sip of water, looking at Ange rather than the nurse when she spoke "I'm full, I can't eat anymore". The nurse quickly looked at her plate – "you need to eat it all. You just have a bit of salad and fruit left. You have 15 minutes left." Ange looked at the clock – there was a time limit? No wonder Chloe felt the pressure. Ange watched proudly as Chloe picked up her fork, stabbing a piece of cucumber and lifting it slowly to her mouth. She watched as her daughter talked herself into eating it, then began chewing slowly. She took another bite of tomato, then another. She paused and took a long deep breath, touching her stomach tentatively "I'm _really _full." Her voice cracked, Ange rubbed her hand "It's ok, take a deep breath – you're fine. Chloe closed her eyes, tilting her head towards the ceiling – trying to keep calm. She shook her head, "I can't eat anymore. I'm full." Ange handed her the fork again "Just try a few more bites?" her tone was gentle and supportive. The nurse cleared her throat, looking directly at Ange "We don't negotiate over food. She has to eat it all." Ange muttered an apology, frustrated they couldn't see Chloe was trying her hardest. If they pushed too much she would fall apart. The nurse announced her 45 minutes was up and quickly cleared the tray away – noting down how much Chloe had eaten.

As soon as she'd left the room Ange jumped up – "You were incredible Chloe! You are so brave." Chloe attempted a small smile but the familiar guilt was swallowing her whole. The voices were shouting at her for eating – for giving in and being weak. No amount of praise from Ange was going to overcome that.

As Ange watched her daughter sitting there, battling with herself she had the familiar feeling she'd made a mistake leaving her here. In the 18 hours that she'd been here she'd already cut and seemed more withdrawn. The nurses were too pushy, an approach that had never worked with Chloe and Ange could sense she was close to a meltdown. In that moment she decided to discuss the other options with the consultant later. She wanted to do what was best for Chloe, she thought that was staying here but now she wasn't so sure.

Chloe fell asleep in Ange's arms. Once she was sure her daughter was settled Ange untangled herself and went in hunt of the consultant. She knocked on her office door, mentally preparing herself for what she's about to say. The consultant listens intently throughout the conversation, making a few notes and nodding encouragingly. Once she has finished Ange feels more convinced she's doing the right thing and is prepared to fight for that. What she doesn't expect is the doctor to agree with her. To report that staying as an inpatient doesn't appear to be the best option for Chloe. Ange can't believe her ears. They work together quickly to formulate a plan. To make sure Chloe gets the right support and help but in the right environment. _At home. _Ange feels more settled when she knows what's happening. Her gut feeling tells her that it's going to be such hard work, but that it's the right choice.

Dom comes by the ward on his break and she tells him the good news, that Chloe doesn't have to stay here anymore. That she was going to come home, try the intensive outpatient approach that was discussed with them in the ED. She admitted that they'd made a mistake which had hurt Chloe – that the best thing for her right now was to be with her mum, to be surrounded by love. When she finishes she is grinning wildly but she can tell he's not happy, that he wants to say something – she glares at him "Come on then, out with it." Dom clenches his jaw then explodes "She needs to learn to cope on her own – She can't rely on you for everything!" Ange snorted "That's what mothers are for Dominic – to support their children! It's not going to be forever, her anxiety is worse when she's alone at the moment – if I can change that then why wouldn't i? Why wouldn't I help her in any way I could. She's my daughter – she's the most important thing in my _world, _I'd do anything to protect her. We've never had a normal relationship, we've always been close. But I'm sure this is the right thing to do. I thought she needed to be in hospital but that made her worse. This way it's the best of both worlds – she gets the intensive treatment she needs while still getting the reassurance that I'm here – that she's not alone. I've got to give it a go." Dom nodded sadly, realising Chloe was the priority. Chloe was _always _the priority – above everything else. Even above him. He knew there was no changing her mind "Okay, fine. But let me help too? Let me share some of this burden with you both? I…I'm family." Ange agreed gratefully, thankful for any support at this time. She knew Dom felt second best again but she had to prioritise Chloe right now. She was the one who needed her the most.

Now, all that was left was to tell Chloe…and hope this was what she wanted.


	12. Chapter 12

Ange led Chloe to the car, opening the door and helping her to settle into the passenger seat – aware of the pain in her stomach from the cuts still. Once she was sure Chloe was comfortable she shut the door, quickly walking round the car and climbing in herself. She turned to look at her daughter "You look pale, are you okay? Feeling okay?" Chloe nodded quickly, eager to convince her mum that she was fine. She worried that if she showed any hesitancy then her mum would suddenly realise she shouldn't be coming home and take her back inside the hospital. Ange studied her face, not believing her at all. She picked up her daughters hand, grabbing her attention. "It's okay to admit that you're struggling, that you're nervous. Sometimes, thing's are going to get overwhelming – and that's ok. It's normal. What we need to focus on is how we help you deal with that, how we get through it. If this is going to work though, I need you to tell me the truth. No more hiding things. Deal?" Chloe nodded gratefully, a small smile playing over her lips "Deal." She lays her head back, finally relaxing now she felt she didn't have to put on this pretence of feeling ok. She glanced out the window then back at her mum "It feels good to see the sky again, to feel the air. I already feel less claustrophobic." She closes her eyes and just breathes – Ange takes this as her queue and starts the engine, pulling away quickly, hoping this would be the last they saw of the hospital for a while.

As they walk into the house, Chloe flops down on the sofa sighing contentedly as all the tension leaves her body. Ange sits down carefully beside her, wanting to give her space but also wanting to keep her close. They sit in silence for a few minutes before Chloe shifts, preparing herself to stand up "Right, I'm going to go and have a shower. I feel grotty and I _really _need to wash my hair" As she goes to leave Ange stops her, standing up quickly. "Err no Chloe, I don't think that's a good idea". The blonde turns quickly, looking confused "Why?" Ange shuffles, suddenly feeling awkward. She doesn't want to upset Chloe, it's been an easy day so far and she'd wanted to keep it that way. She falters but answering "I don't think you're ready for that..not yet anyway." Chloe is confused "Not ready to _wash? _I don't get it…" Ange takes a step forward, trying to keep calm while still saying what she needs to "I don't feel I can trust you yet Chloe. Every time you've been left alone you've hurt yourself, I'm not willing to risk that." Chloe snorts, shaking her head "I'm just going to get myself cleaned up, I'll be 15 minutes max. You can't watch me forever…" Ange doesn't give up though "The hospital only let you leave _because _I said I would be watching you. Besides, you can't get in the shower anyway, you can't get your stitches wet. I'll come and help you – wash your hair for you and then you can rinse yourself off quickly." Chloe considered what she'd been told, deciding she wouldn't win even if she decided to argue. She muttered her agreement and spun around quickly, leaving the room before Ange saw the tears in her eyes.

Ange tilted her daughter's head back, running the warm water gently over her hair. Chloe relaxed as she felt her mum's hands massaging her scalp, she'd always loved people playing with her hair and this was exactly what she needed right now – even if it wasn't what she had wanted. Finally when her hair was done Ange averted her eyes as Chloe washed herself. The cuts littering her skin were red and angry, a constant reminder of the pain Chloe had felt. The younger woman quickly wrapped herself in a towel and hurried to her room, Ange followed closely behind – allowing her space to get dressed but still under her watchful eye.

Ange looked around the room, suddenly realising how much stuff Chloe had here despite it not being her home anymore. Just as she was thinking about this, wondering how many times Chloe had stayed here to escape she was interrupted by Chloe's frantic voice "Mum!" Ange dashed over – unsure what was wrong, her eyes roaming over her daughter anxiously. Chloe had her hands clutched to her stomach, she was hunched over and was getting increasingly pale. Ange quickly looked at her daughter's hands – seeing the familiar crimson colour covering her fingers "Is that blood? What happened?" She guided her gently onto the bed, pulling her hands away softly "It's alright sweetheart, it's okay – don't panic." She checked the lacerations, worried they'd still be bleeding after this long. Although the wounds were closed by the stitches, there was some bleeding evident from the bottom. Ange was worried they were infected, often a source of poor healing and prolonged bleeding. She quickly grabbed some antiseptic, smiling softly as she saw Chloe roll her eyes and groan – she patted her leg quickly "Don't be such a wimp, it's got to be done – just stay still". Chloe braced herself, tensing as her mum cleaned the wounds – although she was trying to be gentle the solution was still burning madly. Ange let it soak for a minute, then dried it and covered it with an adhesive dressing. She explained to Chloe they'd need to get some antibiotics and made a mental note to keep an eye on them – not wanting Chloe to get a major infection and end up back in hospital. Once she knew she was okay Chloe stood up carefully, hyper aware of the cuts across her body. She finished getting dressed and they made their way downstairs together, both mentally preparing for the upcoming lunchtime.

There was a knock at the door, taking them both by surprise. Chloe was convinced the doctors had changed their mind and had come to take her back to the hospital. She chewed her lip anxiously and listened carefully as Ange went to see who was visiting. She heard the familiar voice and relaxed as Dom walked in but began to panic again as she saw the bags of food in his hands. He held them up carefully, smiling at her then focusing at Ange "Peace offering?" Chloe was confused, unsure what had occurred to require this from Dom but she knew better than to ask at this moment – she'd get the full story from her mum later. Ange smiled warmly at her son and hugged him tightly – all previous animosity forgiven. They all made their way into the kitchen, Chloe grabbing tightly on Ange's arm – her fingers digging in as the anxiety rose. Ange untangled her arm them put it round Chloe's shoulder, reassuring her while using it to guide her into a seat at the table. She watched as Chloe became more withdrawn – the panic rising as she attempted to calculate how many calories she was going to have to consume. Ange knew she needed to intervene quickly – pull her out of the terror before she was too far gone. "Sweetheart? Hey you alright?" Chloe didn't hear her, too engrossed in her own thoughts. Ange reached over – touching her arm lightly, ensuring she got her attention without startling her "What's going on in your head, talk to me?" Chloe finally acknowledged her, looking between her food and her mum – attempting to put her emotions into words "I…I feel sick." Ange exhaled slowly, trying to figure out how to deal with this. "Just think of this as your medicine. Sometimes it's not going to feel nice, sometimes it's going to give you side effects like feeling sick or bloated…but ultimately it's what your body needs….what you need to get better. I know you don't want it, but you don't have a choice right now. You have to eat, have to stick to the plan. And we're here to help you. We just want to see you get better." Thinking of food as medicine helped Chloe, this was her treatment. She took the first bite, trying her hardest to ignore the voices as they screamed at her. Ange watched proudly throughout, knowing that bringing her home was the right thing for them as a family.

Chloe finally finished 40 minutes later, she sat back – aware of the pressure of the food in her stomach. She shifted uncomfortably as her mum and brother stared at her, unsure how to act. She attempted to lighten the mood "Are you impressed? Didn't think I'd manage that did you?" Ange rolled her eyes, her voice laced with sarcasm "Oh you know me Chloe, not easily impressed. It'll take more than that to win me over". She smiled at her daughter, conveying that despite her words she was incredibly proud of her.

They made their way back into the living room, eager to distract Chloe to prevent a meltdown. Ange expected her to be restless, to fight against them but instead almost as soon as she sat down her eyes began to flicker shut. Ange watched as her daughter attempted to fight the fatigue, she began to play with her hair – a habit she'd developed as a child when she was tired – and quickly fell asleep. Both Ange and Dom sat quietly, waiting to check that she was sleeping before they spoke. Dom was the first to break the silence "I'm sorry for what I said yesterday. Seeing her here today, watching her battle with herself to eat but still pushing through…I was wrong – you made the right decision bringing her back home." Ange beamed at him "She is amazing isn't she? Imagine that fear – that desperation but she somehow manages to push through it still. I just want to help her Dom, to get her better. I know you were reserved but I think she's going to recover quickly by being here. She just needs our love and support." Dom nodded, but Ange noticed he still looked unsure "You can talk to me you know? You're allowed to give your opinion…I wont bite." He sighed, "I just think, yes it might be better for Chloe to be here…but I worry about you. The responsibility of it all. It's a lot of work. I don't want you to burn yourself out. You have to look after yourself too." Ange moved over to him, wrapping her arms around him – trying to give him the reassurance he needed "I will, but she's my priority. I can't just leave her to get on with it. BUT I also know I can't take care of her if I'm not taking care of myself. I learnt that lesson a few days ago. I promise, I'm feeling better and I intend to make sure it stays that way."

As they finished talking Chloe groaned in her sleep, her expression becoming distressed. Ange's heart broke as she watched her, realising even in her sleep Chloe's brain was torturing her – there was no reprieve from it. She back over to Chloe, leaving one child for the other – switching between their needs fluently. She moved the blonde hair away from Chloe's clammy forehead, whispering to her quietly as she slept "I'm so sorry Chloe, it wasn't supposed to be like this for you. I never wanted you to know what pain like this was, I'm sorry I couldn't protect you – that I couldn't save you from all the bad things in the world. I'm here now though and I'm not going anywhere. We're going to fix this – me and you. I promise you, you're going to be happy again" Chloe's face relaxed, as if she'd heard her mum – as if she could sense her presence next to her. She turned slightly, curling into Ange subconsciously and fell back into a deep, peaceful sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Overall it had been a successful day with no major hiccups. Ange was surprised at how easy it had been to settle Chloe back into home life – she had expected it to be a battle with boundaries but Chloe seemed to appreciate there were still rules at home and despite them not being what she wanted she felt it was better than being back on the ward. Dom had turned down her offer of staying the night, he wanted to relax in his own bed but promised to return in the morning.

Despite it all going well so far Ange never fully relaxed, constantly aware of every movement and emotion of her daughter. Even at night time she was constantly half aware, listening out for Chloe – similar to when she was a newborn and Ange was hyper aware of her needs.

It was about 2am when she heard Chloe's footsteps – she appeared to be pacing in her room. Just as Ange was about to get out of bed and check on her she heard Chloe making her way to her mum's bedroom. The door open and Chloe's fragile frame stood in the doorway. Ange quickly sat up, her eyes adapting rapidly to the darkness "What's wrong? What's happened?" Chloe's voice was small as she spoke "Nothing's happened. I just.." She took a deep breath and prepared herself to be honest with her mum "I've been having urges to cut and I just don't want to be alone. Can I stay here with you?" Ange moved over in the bed, making space for Chloe to crawl in. The two women lay there facing each other, neither of them speaking. Finally Ange broke the silence "What you've just done is very brave Chloe" Chloe grunted in response "what? Climbing into bed with my mummy because I cant stand to sleep on my own…how old am I again?" Ange shook her head, frowning slightly "No, what I meant was the fact you wanted to cut, wanted to hurt yourself but instead you were proactive and came in here for support. Asking for help is never a bad thing, besides – it wont always be this way. You wont always need me. But right now coming to me and telling me you're scared, fighting against those demons in your head – that's bravery." Chloe sighed, unable to accept the compliment. Instead she moved closer, picking up her mums arms and wrapping them round herself, seeking comfort from the one person who had been her rock. Chloe settled immediately, all the nervousness leaving her body. Ange watched as she visibly relaxed and began to tire, she stroked her daughters head until she was asleep then rolled over and drifted off herself – feeling more comfortable knowing Chloe was close.

Chloe awoke first, rolling over and staring at her mum as she slept. Chloe felt guilty as she noticed how tired she still looked; she knew that her illness was taking its toll on her. As moved to the edge of the bed, preparing to leave, Ange woke up. She yawned and stretched, smiling tiredly at Chloe as she sat up. She watched as Chloe grimaced as she stood up from the bed. Ange held her hands out, stopping Chloe in her tracks "Lay down, let me take a look" Chloe rolled her eyes – defensive about being babied "I'm fine mum, they just ache." Ange didn't take no for an answer, physically guiding Chloe back onto the bed and lifting her top. The wounds appeared to be even more red and angry , she reached to touch them and Chloe flinched away – pain shooting through her stomach. Ange tried again more gently and noticed the surrounding skin was burning hot. Ange grimaced at her "They're definitely infected – I'll ring and get you the antibiotics today." Chloe sighed dramatically, lamenting another pill to take but she'd noticed she felt unwell so knew she needed to get it under control quickly, before she ended up needing to go back into hospital for IV antibiotics. The two of them made their way downstairs – settling quickly into their routine of mealtimes, distractions and lots of talking.

Dom arrived in the middle of the morning, looking tired and grumpy. He denied anything being wrong – putting it down to an off day but both Chloe and Ange had noticed the change in his mood. They attempted to lighten the mood but to no avail. After an hour of being there he opened up, explaining that he felt alone and sad, that he felt his whole life had been turned upside down and he didn't know where he fitted anymore. Ange's heart ached for him, understanding how hard it must be. Chloe attempted to reassure him, telling him that it would all get better with time. After their chat the atmosphere in the house had improved and Ange left them alone while she prepared lunch.

When it was finally done she watched as Chloe made her way to the table, anxiety clouding her features. She bounced her legs nervously and chewed her lip. Ange put her food in front of her and rubbed her shoulder gently. Chloe took a deep breath, attempting to calm herself. Mealtimes were always hard but sometimes the anxiety grew more. She looked between her mum and brother, watched as they began to eat easily – not having to deal with the fear that she did. The jealousy grew inside of her, quickly turning to anger. It was irrational and she knew that but she couldn't control it. After a minute or so of Chloe making no attempt to eat, Ange turned to her "Come on, looking at it isn't going to make it go away Chloe. You need to start eating that please." Her tone was gentle and soothing but it enraged Chloe "I am trying! God leave me alone. This pressure is ridiculous!" she hit the table as she spoke, unable to control herself. Ange was shocked, she flinched at the harshness of her tone "It's okay Chloe, just take a deep breath. Calm." Chloe turned to look at her again, the spitefulness of her tone made her shudder but she couldn't change it "Calm? You want me to be calm? You're trying to force feed me, to put this crap in my body against my will and you want me to be calm?! Look at how much food there is here, it's too much! You two have less than me – that's not fair! This is a joke, it's like being in prison!". The anger was building, she was hot and felt edgy. She knew they were both staring at her but she couldn't bring herself to look at them. Her mum glanced at Dom for reassurance before tried again, reaching out to touch her hand "Let's just take a second now, just to breathe and start again." The calmness of her voice infuriated Chloe, she could no longer control herself, she felt as though she was on autopilot.

She wrenched her hand away from her mum, instead reaching quickly for the plate. She picked it up before anyone could stop her, lifting it above her head and throwing it. There was a loud crash as the plate shattered and the food spilt across the floor. All 3 of them jumped, Dom looked between the two women – mouth open in shock. Chloe's anger quickly turned to shock and then embarrassment as she realised what she'd done. Ange took a deep breath, determined not to let this escalate more. She was about to speak – to reassure Chloe that this wasn't the end of the world when the young blonde shook her head frantically and muttered "I can't do this, I'm sorry." She pushed herself away from the table quickly, running into the garden swiftly – desperate to feel the cold air on her clammy body, to get away from the shocked faces of her family. As soon as she was outside she began gasping for air, gulping it down as if she'd been drowning in there.

She heard gentle footsteps behind her, then felt the warm comforting embrace from her mother. "What made you do that?" There was just silence so she tried again "You can tell me Chloe, I wont judge." Chloe turned to look at her mum guiltily, tears welling in her eyes "I'm sorry, I…I don't know what happened. I.." Ange cut her off quickly "It's fine – it's just a plate, no harm done eh? Come back inside and I'll get you something else to eat" Chloe screwed her hands up tightly, scrunching her face up – trying to swallow the panic. She shook her head – opening her mouth to speak but no sound came out. Ange tried a different tactic "I just want you to get better Chloe. I know you're scared. Let me help you through it. It's freezing out here, come on – come in and keep warm." Chloe still sat there, frozen to the spot, unable to pull herself out of this mood. She played with her hands, trying to clarify what she was feeling – eventually she took a deep breath, biting her nails anxiously "Am I ever going to get better Mum? I mean, I know it's not always going to be _this bad_ but will it ever really go away? Or am I going to spend the rest of my life just waiting for something to happen, something else to set me off before I'm back to the start again?" Ange pulled her in close, Chloe rested her head on her mums shoulder – shivering in the cold "This isn't the end Chloe. You have your whole life ahead of you. Remember what I said, it's okay to be overwhelmed and scared but we need to find better ways to deal with those emotions. We'll find ways for you to cope long term, so that even if something does make you scared or anxious you don't rely on these unhealthy behaviours to help you. I know that feels unachievable right now, and I'm not going to lie to you it's not going to be easy, but one day you'll look back and realise it's been a week – then a month – then a year and suddenly you'll be living your life, happy with whatever you choose to do. There is so much more to life than this. Now, I know you're a big girl who doesn't need her hand holding but I want to support you. So let's go inside, get some food and put this whole thing behind us – okay? I promise you, you'll feel better." Chloe was unable to meet her mums' eyes – unable to dream that one day she would be happy and healthy again, instead she nodded numbly and stood up slowly – mentally preparing herself to face Dom and eat her lunch.

Ange quickly heated up some soup for Chloe, hoping to warm her up after sitting in the freezing temperature for over 30 minutes. She prepared a roll to go with it and stared at the food in front of her – was it enough? She was beginning to lose track of a normal portion size now, she had got so used to Chloe barely eating that even a small amount of food felt like a victory. She decided that she would make that appointment with the dietician – even if Chloe was reluctant it would give her a better idea about what she should be feeding her.

She carried it through to the table, placing it in front of Chloe and sitting closely next to her – rubbing her leg and whispering words of encouragement. She watched as Chloe picked up the spoon and stirred the soup, the disgust evident on her face. Chloe shook her head, looking at her mum ready to protest. Ange quickly shut it down though, encouraging her to eat what was in front of her. Chloe took a small spoonful, her hands shaking so much most of it spilt off the spoon. Ange watched as she winced when she swallowed – as if eating was causing her physical pain. After only a few mouthfuls Chloe set the spoon down, "I don't like this." Ange was ready to deflect immediately, picking the spoon back up and handing it to her daughter "Yes you do. Now eat" Her tone was firm but gentle and Chloe took another couple of spoonful's – each one slow and painful. She paused again "I want the same as you!" Ange knew she was just delaying and was about to encourage her to continue with her own lunch when Dom jumped in, his tone short and sharp "Well you should have thought about that before you launched it across the room then, shouldn't you?". Chloe turned to glare at him, tears gathering in her eyes while Ange sighed softly – she knew he meant well but it was the wrong approach to take. Hostility never worked with Chloe, it just escalated the situation. Instead she needed them to tread carefully, to keep her calm so she could fight the demons in her head. Ange decided not to interact with Dom's attempt at help, instead ignoring it and encouraging Chloe to eat before her meal went cold.

After an agonising 50 minutes Chloe had only managed half of the bowl of soup. Despite knowing that she shouldn't, Ange took it away – desperate to relieve her daughters suffering.

She avoided eye contact with Dom as she hurried to the kitchen, knowing she'd done the wrong thing but not wanting a lecture about it. She quickly cleared everything away, placing the dirty dishes into the dishwasher. She sat with Chloe in the living room, watching her daughter as she was engrossed in her own thoughts. The look of anguish in Chloe's face broke her heart. Her outpatient therapy routine started in 2 days and Ange wondered if that's why her anxiety was so heightened. She made a mental note to discuss it with Chloe when she was calmer, determined to put her mind at ease about it all. "Mum?" Chloe's voice cut through Ange's own thoughts, she turned to look at her daughter, expectantly, waiting for her to continue. "I want to tell you something, but I don't want to upset you. I don't want to lose you." Ange wiped her daughters tears away, fighting back her own emotions "Chloe, nothing you could ever tell me would make you lose me. I'm your mum. I'm here for good." Chloe looked unsure, playing with her fingers nervously. Eventually she took a shaky breath in and made eye contact with her mum "I…Erm, I lost a baby. It was Evans, obviously. He was devastated when he found out and…well…that's when it all started – that's when he got abusive."

**A/N: Thank you everyone for your reviews, it's so nice to hear positive things and it really spurs me on to keep writing. I'm open to any ideas or anything you guys want to see - I don't want it to become repetitive which i worry it is. **


	14. Chapter 14

Ange couldn't help herself – a small gasp escaped her. She tried to cover it up quickly, not wanting to discourage Chloe from opening up "What? When?!" Chloe took a shaky breath, trying to swallow the lump in her throat "A..A few months ago. It wasn't planned – clearly." Ange shook her head "why didn't you tell me?" Chloe sighed sadly "It was so early on, we'd only just found out and Evan wanted to keep it between us for a bit. It was about two weeks later and I woke up in the middle of the night cramping. Then I started to bleed. We knew immediately what had happened. There didn't seem to be a need to tell anyone, to get their hopes up then rip it away. It…it just happened." Ange rubbed her daughters arms gently, trying to encourage her to talk "But I could have helped you Chloe, made sure you were alright. It must have been awful for you." Chloe nodded, feeling relieved the secret was out "yeah, Evan took it badly. He was so excited and then to have me ruin that..it broke him." Ange put her hand up, stopping Chloe in the middle of her sentence "This was NOT your fault Chloe. These things happen. It's awful but it isn't your fault. You couldn't have changed it." Chloe shrugged, unconvinced by her mums words "Everyone else manages it okay – it should be the most natural thing in the world, fall pregnant, grow the baby. But not me, my stupid body couldn't even manage that!" Everything clicked into place then for Ange. The self-harming. The starvation. It was all a punishment for this, Chloe felt betrayed by her body and so was abusing it in return. She held Chloe's hands tightly " 1 in 3 pregnancies ends in a miscarriage. So many women have been in your position. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing you did or didn't do Chloe. It just wasn't right. It will happen for you, in the future when you're settled. You'll have the marriage and babies – if that's what you want. But this? This is tragic, it's horrible but I promise you – you couldn't have stopped this. Couldn't have changed it. No amount of self-hatred is going to change what happened. It's not going to bring that baby back Chloe, you can stop punishing yourself now. You have to let go of that guilt." Chloe pulled her hands away quickly "I CAN'T! I can't pretend this wasn't my fault. We both know the strain I've put my body under. No wonder it didn't cope. I can't do anything right. I deserve all the pain in the world. I hurt everyone around me. I can't even protect my own child enough to keep it alive. I'm pathetic." Ange shook Chloe – eager to break through the rising panic "Stop it! Don't say that! You are amazing Chloe. You are intelligent, beautiful, strong willed. You have so many good things going for you and if you think I'm going to let you sit back and poison your mind then you are sorely mistaken. I DON'T CARE what Evan said to you about it, how much he blamed you for it. This was not your fault. Do you hear me?" Chloe broke down sobbing at that, hearing the words she had so desperately needed over the past few months. She clung onto her mum, letting her strong arms embrace her and hold her tight. Her cries got louder and louder, her breathing becoming too quick. Ange rocked her gently – attempting to soothe her but also knowing Chloe needed to get this out of her system. To grieve for the child she lost, for the life she could have had. She held her tight until her sobs died down and Chloe was just sniffling quietly. She kissed her daughter's head, stroking her hair gently "I love you so much Chloe".

Upon hearing these words Chloe recoiled, disgust on her face "How can you love me when I'm like this?! When I cling onto you like a toddler… When you look between your two children and you see Dom coping – his life was turned upside down but he picked himself up and carried on. Then I have a small blip and a break up and I lose my mind? How can you possibly love me?" Ange grabs her hands, barely pausing to catch her breath "I love you because you're YOU Chloe. I love you for who you are. I loved you when I first saw you. I loved you when you were 5 and I took you to your ballet lessons, watching as you were always out of sync with everyone else – dancing to your own tune. I loved you when I took you to school in the mornings, your eyes tired but raring to go and learn. I loved you when you were a teenager, even through all of your tears and tantrums. I loved you when you started med school. I love you for everything you do, _despite _everything that's happened. You are the kindest, most loving person I have ever met. You're a perfectionist and you won't stop until you've got exactly what you want. When I look at you, I don't see any of these imperfections you seem to think I do. I look at you and I see bravery, I see strength but most of all I just see you, my Chloe. My lovely, lovely Chloe." Both of them were crying now, the tears falling too frequently to be hidden. Ange cupped Chloe's face and Chloe relaxed into her mums embrace. Feeling as though this outburst had drained all of her energy. They sat there for a while, just enjoying being together – drinking in the peace and tranquillity. Chloe was the first to pull away, running her hands over her face. She smiled at Ange "I love you mum. I can't ever thank you enough for everything you do for me, but just know that – I love you." A lump appeared in Ange's throat, leaving her unable to speak without crying again. Instead she nodded, grinning widely at her youngest. She leant over and kissed the side of her head then quickly stood up, eager to get away and compose herself.

Later on, as Ange was sitting in the garden thinking over the day Chloe came to join her. She nestled in close to her mum, letting Ange put her arm around her and cuddle her closely. She turned to look at her mum "Do you wish things were different? That you didn't have to go through what you did -That you'd never had me?" Her voice was small and child like, unsure if she wanted to hear the truth. Ange shook her head intensely "No way. I can't imagine my life without you. You are my world Chloe." She paused to look at her daughter, the uncertainty on her face "The way things happened…obviously I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. But what it gave me – I wouldn't swap that for the world. It doesn't mean it was easy though, I regret not being able to give you the typical happy family. I worry how much you've missed out on my only having me" Chloe hugged her mum tighter, whispering softly "I didn't miss out on anything. You gave me everything I needed." She took a deep breath, unsure of whether she should say what was on her mind. Finally she realised Ange wouldn't run away, wouldn't judge her. She'd help her through this. "I was sad when I lost the baby. I felt guilty and like a failure. But, there is a small part of me – this tiny voice in the back of my head that is grateful. That I didn't bring a baby into the world with _him_. That he doesn't get to control me anymore. Then that makes me feel more guilty – because what kind of person is grateful their child died?" She glanced at her mum "Am I an awful person for even thinking it?" Ange shook her head "No Chloe, you're not an awful person. You can be sad about losing the baby while still realising that it wouldn't have been the best situation to raise a child in. I just wish I could have been there, to support you. To stop you carrying round this burden on your own. I would have never let him convince you it was your fault. Now listen to me, I want you to come to me with any problems. Any worries, any fears. I want to support you Chloe – to help you. I don't ever want you to feel alone again. You promise me that? That you'll always turn to me when you need me?" Chloe nodded gratefully, promising her mum that she would be her first call. They realised how cold it had got outside, shivering despite being huddled together. Ange stood up slowly, helping to support Chloe as she pushed herself up. They walked in unison, still hugging each other – neither wanting to break the physical bond they had at this moment.

As they settled on the sofa Ange stared at Chloe, admiration on her face "you know, I think you're very brave for what you did today Chloe. Opening up like that? It takes courage. This is a big step forward for you. Maybe now you can let go of that guilt and fear, you can start to move forward?" Chloe smiled gently at her mum "yeah maybe". Ange was determined not to drop this, not to let Chloe brush it under the carpet "I'm serious. All of this started from that guilt, from that pressure. When you start to talk it through with the professionals, maybe they'll help more. But it can only be a positive thing to have identified eh? Knowing what triggered this all, they can dig into those emotions and help you work through them. Help you rebuild yourself. It all makes a bit more sense to me now, knowing how you're feeling – understanding why you feel you need to do this. I think this is a good thing, we can all help you. I know it's not a magic fix, you're not going to suddenly feel okay now but don't you feel slightly better for sharing? Even just a tiny bit?" Chloe contemplated this, determined to be honest – not to sugar coat it "Yeah I guess I do actually. I felt like I was bottling it all up, shoving it down. Now it's out in the open I can start to process it more. It's like I can breathe a bit more again." Ange grinned wildly at her, feeling they'd had a big break through "Good. Now – onwards and upwards. Let's build that future of yours."


	15. Chapter 15

Chloe is laying on her bed, attempting to relax when she hears the footsteps approaching the room. There is a gentle knock on the door and her mum's head appears – worry etched across her face. She sits down gently on the bed, not quite able to meet Chloe's eyes, her expression is nervous and unsure. "I need to ask you something and whatever the answer is, it's okay – you're not in trouble" Chloe takes a deep breath, her heart pounding in anticipation – she knows what this is going to be. She didn't think her mum would miss them. Ange fiddles with her fingers nervously – not wanting to accuse Chloe and upset her but also knowing she needs an answer "Did you take some scissors from downstairs? I..I can't find them and I've looked everywhere." Chloe debates lying, denying all knowledge and getting Ange out of her room as quickly as she can. But then she knows she's being watched constantly. She'd never get away with cutting right now. She couldn't bare the disappointment on her mum's face anyway. She was so proud of her when she hit a week without self-harming. She bit her lip, unsure of how to answer. Ange's face fell as she registered her daughter's reaction "I'll take that as a yes then" Chloe opened her mouth to protest but quickly shut it again, determined not to outright lie to her mum's face. Ange pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to contain her disappointment "Have you hurt yourself?" Chloe shook her head immediately, denying this. Ange was sceptical "Can I see?" Chloe nearly shouted at her that she wasn't lying – that there was no need to check her body for cuts but then she looked at her mum's face, saw the fear and panic in her eyes and decided against it. She knew she could put her mum's mind at ease so she quickly held out her arms, lifted her top to show her stomach and rolled her trousers up to reveal her legs. Ange sighed contentedly as she realised there were no fresh wounds. She rubbed Chloe's hands "Well done, I'm proud of you! Why did you take them though?" Chloe shifted uncomfortably, unable to fully explain this "I was going to cut when I first got them, but then I managed to fight off the urge and I've managed to hold steady since but I…I just felt more comfortable knowing they were there – that I have an option" Ange was unsure how to feel about this, she was glad that Chloe had been strong enough to fight against those urges but felt unsettled that she needed the safely blanket of scissors to feel calm.

She looked around the room, weighing up her next move "Where are they?". Chloe stared back at her, wondering how to get around giving them back. She made no effort to move so Ange tried again, stronger this time "Either you can get them for me or I will turn this room upside down looking for them. I'm guessing you don't want me going through all of your belongings, but I will." Chloe remained silent, staring intently at a spot on her bed – desperate to avoid her mums gaze. She knew she was being ridiculous – that she had to give them back, her mum wasn't going to drop it now. But it felt like her last bit of control – she had them in her possession and she wasn't using them, it's like she was testing her own strength. She was proving her own willpower. Until she couldn't do it anymore – until there would be a day when her strength wasn't strong enough to fight it. Ange lifted Chloe's chin up, her eyes piercing and her tone firm "Chloe. Tell me where they are. You're hanging on by your fingernails right now. Just tell me!" Chloe still didn't move, _couldn't move_. Ange stood up "you have 10 seconds before I start ripping through this room". Chloe fidgeted nervously, her heart pounding – torn between just telling her and hoping that they were well hidden enough to escape Ange's search. Finally as she saw her mum moving towards her draws she finally gave in. "Stop!" She got up off the bed, rushing over to her wardrobe - she'd hidden them inside a jumper. She pulled them out quickly, clenching her hands tightly against the blades as she walked slowly over to her mum. Ange held her hand out expectantly, face stern as Chloe hesitated. "Now Chloe!" She hadn't intended it to come out so loudly, but the fear was building that Chloe wasn't going to give them back – that she would panic and hurt herself in some way while she had the change. She watched as her daughters hand twitched but stayed by her side then finally as she lifted it up – holding the scissors out for her mum to take. Ange noticed that both of their hands were shaking as they exchanged the blades. Ange relaxed instantly as she had held them, putting them quickly in her pocket out of the way. Chloe on the other hand appeared to grow more agitated "You can leave now" her tone was flat and her face emotionless. Ange made no effort to move "I think we need to chat about this" Chloe walked away, laying on her bed with her back to Ange "Nothing to talk about. I had the scissors, now I don't. I didn't cut. Nothing's changed." Ange sighed, unsure whether to push her or leave her. Eventually she moved out of the room, hesitating at the door "If you need anything just give me a shout okay?" There was no response from Chloe so she tentatively left, promising to be back in half an hour to check on her.

Ange settled down, reviewing some notes. Chloe was attending her outpatient therapy groups tomorrow meaning she was able to return to work for a few hours a week. She'd discussed it with Hanssen, explaining the situation and agreeing to stay ward based for a while – not wanting to be caught up in theatre unreachable if there was a problem. She was actually looking forward to getting back to work, there was a part of her going crazy stuck indoors. What she wasn't looking forward to though was leaving Chloe. She felt like she had when Chloe was first going to school, unsure about how she would manage without her there. On her first day she'd had to fight back the urge to tell her teachers all about Chloe, her quirks and fears. She felt that same defensiveness now, as if she needed to take her in tomorrow and settle her – tell the nurses and other staff there what worked with Chloe and what would heighten her anxiety. She attempted to keep her mind off of it, reassuring herself that Chloe would be fine – she'd survived so many obstacles without Ange there to hold her hand and this was a new challenge she needed to take alone. She still couldn't focus on any of the work in front of her so she put it to one side, curling up on the sofa instead. She closed her eyes for a brief second, wondering what it would be like without having to watch Chloe every second of the day tomorrow, whether she'd be able to resist phoning to hear her progress. She liked to keep busy and although she was definitely ready to return to work and get stuck back in she was dreading all the questions from everyone. She knew she needed to discuss it with Chloe – decide what they were going to tell people. Ultimately it was Chloe's decision and she would respect whatever she wanted but Ange also knew that everyone just wanted to support them and she hoped Chloe would be able to see that.

The rest of the day went by smoothly. Chloe was quiet and reserved – not wanting to chat much but Ange could sense this was nerves about tomorrow. Chloe had opened up that she was worried as she didn't know what to expect. They knew Chloe would have her three meals there tomorrow, as well as 2 snacks but they'd been informed Ange would be responsible for giving her a 3rd snack in the evening once she was home. Beyond this, they knew nothing about the structure of the day. Chloe liked to know what was happening ahead of schedule to plan her day and not knowing was unsettling her. Ange attempted to give her space, trying not to crowd her and increase the pressure she was feeling. When it came to the end of the day both of them checked their bags, preparing for the following day. They headed off to bed, Ange reluctantly leaving Chloe alone in her room despite her increased anxiety.

The morning came around quickly, neither of them getting much sleep. Ange quickly got herself ready for work then knocked on Chloe's bedroom door. She was greeted by the sight of Chloe perched anxiously on the edge of the bed, waiting until it was time to go. Ange's heart sank as she looked at Chloe's face which was full of fear and uncertainty. She smiled gently, attempting to lighten the mood "Time to go and face the big wide world again!" Chloe looked up, attempted a weak smile but failed miserably. Instead she stood, putting her head down and rushing past her mum and down the stairs. By the time Ange caught up with her Chloe was waiting by the front door, anxiously bouncing on the spot. Ange rushed to the kitchen, grabbing a banana for her own breakfast and picking up her bag. She returned to Chloe, grabbing her keys and the two of them headed out. Chloe eyed the banana anxiously as they climbed into the car, Ange held it up defensively "Don't panic – it's my breakfast, no nasty surprises this morning." Chloe didn't respond, instead she just turned to stare out the window intently.

Ange noticed Chloe's body visibly tensing as they got closer. She stopped at a red light and turned to look at her daughter, she reached out – moving Chloe's hair out of her face but there was still no response from her. As she pulled away again she decided against talking – against breaking the tension in the car. She knew Chloe was not in the right frame of mind for general chit chat and instead gave her time to gather her thoughts. Ange pulled up outside, glancing at Chloe as she pulled the handbrake up. "Ready?" Chloe turned to look at her mum "Do I have a choice?" Ange shook her head sadly, "Sorry sweetheart but no. Go in with an open mind. They're there to help. Trust them." Chloe took a deep breath in, undoing her seatbelt and gathering her things together slowly, delaying having to go inside and face her treatment. She turned to face her mum once more, leaning over and hugging her quickly. Ange fought the urge to get out of the car too, to walk her inside and check she was ok. Instead she watched with tears in her eyes as Chloe walked up to the doors, looking more tiny and fragile than ever. She turned around, taking one final glance at her mum then walked inside.

Ange quickly wiped her tears away and started the car again, driving quickly to her parking space at the hospital and preparing herself for her own day. She hurried upstairs to her office, quickly shutting the door between her. She checked her phone was on loud – incase of any calls from Chloe. She got to work, checking her emails and replying to the urgent ones. She reviewed and discharged a couple of patients and kept herself busy. She fell back into the swing of working easily, enjoying the familiarity of it all. Before she knew it she had finished for the day, she packed up and headed back out to her car. She instinctively checked her phone again, reassured when there were no missed calls or texts. Her drive home is quick and as she sits there in silence her mind drifts back to Chloe – wondering what she was doing now, how her day had been. Just at that moment her phone rang – she jumped up, racing to answer it but noticed it was Dom instead of Chloe. She didn't want to block the line, worried Chloe wouldn't be able to contact her so she declined the call and sent a quick text to Dom, explaining the situation and asking if it was urgent. He replied quickly reporting that it wasn't and that he would ring later. She glanced at the clock. She still had 2 hours before she had to go and collect Chloe so decided to have a long, hot bath. She didn't get much time to herself now and wanted to make the most of it. By the time she got out and dressed she quickly prepared dinner for herself, eating it without really tasting it. Unable to wait anymore she decided to head off early and wait for Chloe outside, she drove slowly – wanting to waste time but soon pulled up. She stared at the doors intently, unable to focus on anything except Chloe. Finally, she saw the flash of blonde hair as Chloe exited the building. She climbed out the car, stood by the door – refraining from running over and hugging her. It had only been a day apart but Ange's own worries were amplified when she saw the look on Chloe's face. She looked exhausted, her eyes were blood shot and her lips were bleeding where the young girl had been chewing on them. Ange took her into her arms when Chloe got close, pulling her in for a tight hug. After a few seconds they pulled apart, Ange stroked her face gently "let's get you home". Chloe nodded numbly and climbed in the car, holding back tears as she did so. The drive was silent and when Ange pulled up back at home she realised Chloe had fallen asleep. She shook her awake and guided Chloe inside quickly, they settled down together and Ange looked at her kindly "So come on then, tell me all about it…"


	16. Chapter 16

Chloe took a deep breath in and began to talk quickly "Breakfast is at 8.30, lunch is at 12.30 then dinner at 6. I have to have snacks at 10.30 and 2.30. They only give you 15 minutes for the snacks and 30 minutes for meals. It's so much pressure. I felt like all I did was eat, talk about how I felt about eating, then go back to eat more!" Her tone was more high pitched now, her story turning into a rant. She barely took a breath as she continued "Throughout every meal they just nagged me, telling me I was doing it all wrong – not following their rules. "Eat quicker Chloe, take bigger bites Chloe, chew it more, stop stalling, eat quicker, stop pushing it around" by the end of it all I was so stressed I could barely lift my fork!" Ange stifled a giggle as Chloe ranted, her dramatics shining through again – a glimpse at the old Chloe. Slowly but surely there were more glimpses coming through again – as if they were making tiny steps of progress. Ange stared at her for another second, taking all of her features in. Just as she was about to speak Chloe began again "Plus! Oh listen to this, they want me to gain 2lbs a week. 2?! Honestly mum, it's ridiculous. They don't know what they're talking about!" ange rubbed her hand softly "They're the experts Chloe, do you think maybe it's the anxiety talking? Trying to convince you it's all too much?" Chloe rolled her eyes, sulking like a teenager "Maybe. But it's still ridiculous." She sank back into the chair, letting all the tension leave her body "God it's good to be home!" Ange smiled widely at her and began to tell Chloe all about her day. Eventually they grew tired and headed off to bed, preparing to rest for the day ahead of them tomorrow, unsure what it would bring.

The next few weeks passed quickly, they had fallen into a routine quickly. Ange would drop Chloe off in the morning, head to work – finish her shift, go home and then pick Chloe up. She watched as her daughter improved slowly but surely. She was making more jokes, seeking less reassurance from Ange. They both felt positive. As Chloe improved her level of supervision was decreased. She no longer had to go for all 3 meals, instead having breakfast and lunch there but dinner at home. As she improved further this was reduced to just lunch – with therapy sessions either side of it.

As they prepared to discharge Chloe from the intensive programme they had a meeting with Ange, explaining what would need to be done to continue the progress she was making at home. Ange listened intently as the doctors told her about Chloe's progress "Her therapy sessions are going well, she seems to be making real progress. She is gaining weight within the rate we would expect. She's identified she has a problem and she's working hard to overcome it. The only thing we need to work on, is the food avoidance." Ange frowned – unsure of what this meant, they'd just said Chloe was eating well, how did this coincide with food avoidance? The doctor continued "Although she eats the majority of meals there are still times when we have issues – she will drop small bites on the floor, scrape food under her nails. Sometimes she'll hide food up her sleeves or in her napkin. This is what you need to focus on at home."

Ange was still perplexed "I don't understand, a couple of bites here and there – surely that can't be making a difference?" They looked at her sympathetically, understanding the confusion. "it's not so much the quantity of food, but the fact it feeds into the eating disorder – avoiding calories is what she wants. We need to break that cycle. Ange nodded, taking in what she was being told. "we need to find ways to motivate her to eat. It's good that we're able to keep her gaining weight at a consistent rate – we just want to help sustain this long term." Ange nodded quickly, understanding the importance of this now. They all turned to Chloe, expecting an explanation for this behaviour. She picked at the skin around her fingernails then began to dig her nails into her forearm defensively as she spoke "It's like there is this battle in my head. By eating I'm going against what that voice wants and I feel disgusting. If I get rid of a few bites it makes me feel better – calmer. Like I haven't completely failed." Ange's heart broke as she heard her daughter talking like this but the other people in the room nodded in understanding. The doctor spoke again "We know, it's understandable Chloe – lots of people in your position do the same. But it's not a failure to eat. It is literally the most basic human function. That's what we need to change – your perception of food. We want to make sure once you're discharged from all services you're able to maintain your weight and go on to live a healthy life." With that the meeting was over. Plans were made and meal plans given to Ange for the first few weeks at home. They scheduled weekly outpatient appointments to check Chloe's bloods and weight. The therapy sessions would also continue weekly, with the possibility to increase this if needed. They set off home together, Chloe feeling the pressure seeping out of her body whereas Ange felt the weight of responsibility pressing on her again.

When they arrived home the two women went their separate ways, thinking about what challenges awaited them. Ange felt torn – whenever Chloe was home she appeared to be more settled was this because she was getting away with too much – sneaking away enough calories to keep the voices in her head at bay? She didn't know what the right thing to do was – she just wanted to help Chloe, do whatever it took to get her better. But it was hard to know what that was right now.

As the next few days passed, they quickly settled back into a routine together – Ange supervising her mealtimes and ferrying her to and from her therapy appointments. They had joint visits with a dietician and agreed a meal plan each week. Chloe reluctantly agreed to everything that was proposed to her, realising that if this didn't work Ange was sure to get her admitted to the hospital again and this time she wouldn't take her home after a few days. Chloe was keen to avoid this so did everything to convince Ange she was recovering.

One morning Ange had to nip out, leaving Chloe alone. She promised to be back within 30 minutes, explaining she would make lunch when she was back. Chloe nodded encouragingly, assuring her mum she'd be fine. As soon as Ange left Chloe seized her opportunity. She rushed to the kitchen and quickly prepared a sandwich. She knew her mum would keep an eye on how much food was in the house so she had to be convincing. She put the sandwich on a plate, staring at it intently. She quickly picked it up and tore it into pieces, ensuring the plate caught all the crumbs. She wiped some of the butter on the edge of the plate, ensuring it was in full view. Once she was happy the plate looked as though it had been used she ran into the garden, throwing the sandwich onto the flower beds and covering it with some soil. She quickly went back inside and poured herself some orange juice, she lifted the glass to her lips – leaving her lipstick mark in place. Her heart was racing now, worried she was going to get caught. She quickly tipped the glass of juice away. She stacked the plate, glass and dirty knife beside the sink – ensuring her mum would see them when she returned. She didn't dare move the rest of the time Ange was out – she instead sat there celebrating her small victory.

She heard the door open about 40 minutes later, Ange bursting in quickly – her face filled with worry "Sorry I'm late I got caught up! Traffic was a nightmare…anyway – are you okay?" She approached Chloe quickly, looking her over from head to toe. When nothing appeared to be wrong she relaxed quickly. Chloe seized the opportunity – "I made lunch while you were out, just a sandwich - but I wondered if you'd been called back to work and didn't have time to ring so I thought I'd eat it quickly…" She trailed off, her voice was shaky and she didn't want it to give her away. Ange frowned slightly – hesitant to believe her. She quizzed her quickly "what sandwich?" Chloe had rehearsed this, she answered quickly – no hesitation in her voice. Ange nodded slightly and began to walk into the kitchen. She saw the plate, knife and glass – all evidence Chloe had in fact eaten (or so it appeared). She relaxed instantly, walking up to Chloe "I am so proud of you!" Chloe felt a pang of guilt as she saw the excitement on her mum's face but quickly pushed it down – skipping the odd meal wouldn't make a difference to her recovery – it would just stop her getting too fat, help her to stay in control. Nobody needed to know.


	17. Chapter 17

In the middle of the night Chloe woke up and she decided to make the most of it – she climbed out of bed quickly and quietly knowing her mum would be listening out for her. She began to do sit ups and press ups, deciding it would be good to keep her muscles moving – exercise always made her feel better. She pushed herself until her muscles were burning, until she couldn't physically do anymore. She crawled back over into bed and quickly fell asleep – exhausted by the effort.

The next morning when she woke up Chloe quickly climbed into the shower, turning to water up to the hottest point. She let the scalding water soak over her, feeling it burn her skin. She went lightheaded so turned the water off and climbed out – the cool air hitting her. She dried herself off and got dressed quickly – unable to bare looking at her rolls of fat in the mirror. She headed downstairs to greet her mum who was sat on the sofa – a cup of coffee cradled in her hands "Oh good you're down, you sit here and relax – I'll go and make breakfast" Chloe shook her head quickly – bored of the idea of sitting on her own again "NO, I'll come with you – keep you company. Besides, we can plan our day – I can't sit in here all day again, I'm going crazy!" Ange laughed lightly – agreeing with Chloe on that. Ange moved around the kitchen, gathering the supplies for their breakfast. Chloe sat there, disgust rising as she realised all the exercise she did last night would go to waste while they were pumping her full of food still. Chloe tried to listen as her mum rattled off ideas for the day but her mind was far away – working out how many sit ups It would take to burn this meal off. Ange had decided to make scrambled eggs on toast for them – something Chloe used to love. She whisked the egg, and grabbed the butter – ready to melt it in the frying pan. Chloe jumped up as she watched her mum scraping the butter of "NO! that's too much!" She attempted to grab it out of her mums hand but Ange moved away quickly, keeping it out of her reach "No it's not Chloe, it's exactly right. You just don't usually see me make it." The concern was etched over Ange's face – unsure what had caused this outburst. Chloe quickly returned to her seat, taking a few deep breaths – pushing the panic down, desperate not to lose control now. There was silence in the kitchen as Ange quickly cooked the eggs, finally they were done and Ange sent Chloe over to table and quickly followed with the food. Chloe surveyed both plates – weighing up if her portion was larger or smaller. Ange glanced over at her, knowing what she was doing "They're exactly the same Chloe, now eat." She stabbed a piece of egg onto her fork, raising it to her lips slowly. She continued until she'd made her way through the entire breakfast, battling with her head the entire time. Ange had finished her breakfast before Chloe and sat watching as she played with the food, taking small bites periodically.

As soon as they had finished Ange set about clearing away, the atmosphere lightening almost immediately now Chloe had eaten. They agreed to go for a walk today, to get some fresh air and get some light exercise – Ange obviously hadn't agreed to this last bit but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. The two of them set off in a calm silence – taking in the fresh air and enjoying being out of the house. After about 30 minutes Ange suggested they turn around – realising they couldn't overdo it. Chloe was reluctant but decided not to arouse any suspicions at this time – she had only just managed to get her mum to relax and she didn't want to lose that bit of control. As they got closer to home Chloe began to get tired, realising that the long walk combined with the middle of the night exercise was taking its toll. Ange looked at her, realising she was struggling – she quickly linked her arm with Chloe's – helping to support her the rest of the way.

When they arrived back at the house Ange got Chloe settled on the sofa, fussing over her after noticing how pale she was. She quickly felt Chloe's pulse – reassured that it was a normal rate and rhythm. Ange made a mental note to get Chloe's bloods checked again – wondering if she was anaemic. The two of them sat and chatted about how to fill their time for the rest of the week. Ange noticed the fear flash across Chloe's face as she mentioned the dietician's appointment in two days but she shrugged it off – reasoning that some anxiety was to be expected. As the afternoon went on Ange couldn't help but notice that Chloe was restless – constantly moving from room to room aimlessly and even when she was sat down she was jiggling her legs, unable to sit still. Ange decided to continue to monitor this over the next few days and discuss it with Chloe and her therapist if it continued – unsure of the exact reason she was doing it but suspecting it was to do with burning extra calories. She wanted to be sure of it though before she mentioned it, not wanting to cause extra friction or tension.

When they set off for bed Chloe decided not to take any chances tonight, she set an alarm for 3am – giving her the chance to sneak in some exercise while her mum slept. When her alarm went off she woke up groggy – feeling as though she'd only slept for a few minutes. She set about her routine, exercising until she couldn't breathe and her muscles were burning. She felt satisfaction as she flopped back into bed, ready to grab another couple of hours sleep before her mum woke her for the following day.

The next morning Chloe groaned and rolled over, her muscles burning as she did so. She had clearly overdone it the last few days – exercising more than she had in weeks. She pushed herself up to the sitting position and braced herself as she stood up – her muscles throbbing. She struggled to walk properly – feeling the pain in her legs from the squats with each step she took. Ange took one look at her as she walked downstairs and spotted it instantly "Chloe? What's wrong? What's happened?" She froze, not wanting to admit to why she couldn't walk properly. "I don't feel well! My throat hurts, my body aches. I think I have the flu." Ange felt her forehead instantly "You're not hot, go and sit down – I'll bring you some paracetamol." She rushed off quickly to gather the medicine and a drink for her daughter – going into full maternal mode. She came back with two paracetamol and a glass of cold orange juice. Chloe pushed it away, refusing the extra calories. Ange tensed up at this battle – unsure of how much she should push. Eventually she agreed to get some water for Chloe to take the tablets on the agreement Chloe would drink the orange juice in a while – once the medicine had started to work. She watched as Chloe swallowed the tablets quickly, the eased herself down as if she was injured. Ange was unconvinced by her excuses – she didn't look unwell and Ange began to wonder if this was another excuse to avoid food. She was determined to keep Chloe pushing forward in her recovery and wouldn't let her use this as an excuse to self-destruct again.

Lunchtime came around and Chloe had ingested nothing but water all morning – point blank refusing breakfast. Ange prepared her some soup, knowing that even if she was ill then she would be able to manage this. She presented it to Chloe who immediately declined. Ange looked at her sternly "You've not eaten anything all day, you have to have something Chloe." The blonde lifted her chin slightly, preparing to battle "I'm not _hungry_. I feel sick. My head hurts – I told you that!" Ange narrowed her eyes "I thought it was your throat? Besides – you've had some paracetamol and some fluids. You need to keep your strength up" Chloe rolled her eyes dramatically "Why does it matter what hurts? I'm _ill _mum. I just need to rest." Ange could sense this was escalating quickly and attempted to calm it down, not wanting another argument "Right, I understand you don't feel well. That's why I didn't push you for breakfast. But I'm not going to let you skip lunch too. You'll feel better once you've had something to eat, besides – it's just soup. Now come on, eat up and then you can rest." She stared at Chloe, waiting for her to pick up the spoon. When she made no effort to eat Ange decided to take action - getting a spoonful of soup and lifting it to Chloe's mouth. The younger woman quickly turned her head and pushed the spoon away from her "I'm not a baby mum, I can do it myself – I just don't want to!" Ange nodded in understanding, holding her hands up in surrender "I was just trying to help Chlo, you have to eat. If you don't want to eat then I can get you a supplement drink. Either way we need to get something inside of you – your choice". There was a tense moment where both women stared at each other, neither willing to give in but finally Chloe caved, sighing loudly and taking a small mouthful of soup. Ange smiled slightly as Chloe made her way through the food, feeling a small victory that another disaster was averted. Once she was finally finished Ange sat next to Chloe, rubbing her arm gently. Chloe knew she needed to be convincing so quickly laid down, laying her head in Ange's lap – pretending to be exhausted by this 'illness' but it wasn't a complete lie anymore, she felt so anxious about eating the whole of her lunch that she actually felt sick now. Ange began to rub her fingers through her hair, attempting to keep her calm. Chloe began to jiggle her leg – not wanting to be sat still, wanting to burn the most calories she could while laying there. Ange noticed this immediately and put her hand on Chloe's thigh, a gentle nudge to stop and rest. As she lay there Chloe felt her eyes fluttering closed, exhausted from her broken sleep. She couldn't resist anymore and gave in to the fatigue, allowing herself to fall into a deep sleep.

Ange sat with Chloe for a while, doubting what she knew now. She hadn't initially believed Chloe was unwell, thinking it was a decoy for not eating but as she watched her fall asleep – clearly exhausted she began to distrust her original thoughts. She decided to go easy on her, deciding to allow her to have a simple sandwich for dinner. When it was time to eat she shook Chloe awake, watching as the confusion washed across Chloe's face – unable to get her bearings and feeling groggy. Ange touched her forehead again gently but noticed Chloe was still a normal temperature, she smiled gently "Dinner time" Chloe nodded shortly, knowing she wouldn't escape eating but reassured she would be able to burn it off later. She followed Ange to the table, pinching her arm anxiously as Ange passed her the plate. She took a few small bites, chewing slowly and attempting to swallow. Her throat felt dry and she took a big gulp of water as she swallowed. She continued with this for a few more minutes – bite, chew, swallow, drink. Bite, chew, swallow, drink. She managed about 2/3rds of her sandwich when she couldn't physically stomach anymore. She layed it down on her plate, avoiding eye contact as she whispered "I'm done". Ange looked quickly between the food and her daughter, noting the distress on Chloe's face – she reached over and rubbed her hand "You're not done, you need to eat all of that." Chloe shook her hair, swallowing the lump in her throat "I'm full. I feel sick" Ange grimaced but stayed firm "You haven't eaten enough to be full, you need to finish that." Her tone was firm but calm. Chloe's hands shook as picked up the sandwich, biting the corner reluctantly. As she chewed it the voices in her head took over again, screaming at her how weak she was. How no exercise would help if she continued to stuff her face. The anxiety grew and the food was like sand in her mouth. She physically couldn't swallow it and before she knew it she heaved and ran to the bathroom – her hands covering her mouth as she attempted to make it in time. As soon as she reached the toilet she was sick, Ange rushed behind her – handing her some tissue to wipe her face and rubbing her back comfortingly. Chloe spun round to face her, venom in her voice "I told you I was ill, maybe next time you wont push me so much. With that she ran out of the room and quickly shut herself away in her bedroom – pretending to sleep but really commencing her usual exercise routine, attempting to balance the calories she had consumed that day.

Ange took herself off to bed early, worried about Chloe again. Her outburst earlier had confirmed Ange's suspicions about the lack of illness and she was convinced this was the eating disorder talking. She knew they had the dietician appointment tomorrow and was hoping they would be able to offer some help – some advice for when Chloe refused to eat. Ange suddenly felt out of control, as if she was losing this battle again. She couldn't shale the unsettled feeling she had in the pit of her stomach and although she hoped she was wrong, deep down she knew the battle was far from over.


	18. Chapter 18

The next morning Ange crept into Chloe's room "Sweetheart, come on it's time to get up – we need to go out." Chloe pulled the covers up, attempting to ignore her mum. Ange rolled her eyes at Chloe's stubbornness and sat down on the edge of Chloe's bed. She pushed the hair out of her daughters face and pulled the covers away "nice try but we really do have to get going. I'll let you pull yourself together. We're leaving in 45 minutes." As Ange left the room Chloe rolled over onto her back, attempting to wake herself up. After a few minutes she dragged herself out of bed, her muscles sore but not as painful as yesterday. She slowly got herself ready for the day, attempting to delay the inevitable today. She was dreading this appointment, knowing that they would weigh her and discuss her food intake for the last week. Chloe couldn't bare to sit there as they discussed how many calories she'd shovelled into her body, she felt guilty enough without having to relive it all.

Just as it was time to leave she grabbed some small weights from her drawer, placing them carefully in her pocket. She knew they would come in handy, they would make her appear as if she was gaining weight rather than losing it – keeping everyone off her back and allowing her to continue with her routine. She smiled smugly, knowing that her resourcefulness was improving.

Ange met her downstairs, a breakfast bar in hand "We don't have time for breakfast today – I thought you could eat this in the car?" Chloe's stomach dropped but she nodded anyway, not allowing any suspicion "I just need to grab a drink first then I'm ready to go" Ange sighed in frustration "Okay, just hurry up – I'll meet you in the car. We needed to leave 5 minutes ago. You're always late!" Chloe smiled quickly at her and walked to the kitchen. She filled a glass of water and drunk it down quickly, then poured herself another. As she drunk that she felt it sitting in her stomach, sloshing around. This was something she'd read about online – drinking before a weigh in would show on the scales, giving a false increase in weight. That combined with the 2lbs of weights in her pockets would lull everyone into a false sense of security – they'd think she was being the perfect patient. She quickly joined Ange in the car and they drove in silence to the appointment, Chloe's heart rate increasing as they got closer.

Almost as soon as they arrived Chloe was called into the room, not allowing her any chance to become more nervous than she already was. They quickly took Chloe's obs and then asked her to step on the scales. She was just about to climb on when the nurse quickly stopped her – asking her to step on backwards, so she couldn't see her own weight. This made Chloe more anxious, unable to tell if her deception had paid off. Once she was done, she sat down quickly again next to Ange who appeared just as nervous as her. They eagerly awaited the dietician and doctor. They quickly appeared, studying the results of Chloe's tests. Chloe's whole body was tense, she was holding her breath as she waited for their response. As soon as she saw them smile widely at her she relaxed instantly, breathing a sigh of relief. The doctor was the first to speak "So Chloe, we're pleased to say you've gained weight as we would expect in the last week. All of your observations look normal. How would you say this week had gone?" Chloe barely trusted herself to talk, worried they'd be able to sense her lies if she said to much "Yeah fine, erm I'm getting there I think?" When they realised they weren't going to get any more out of Chloe they turned to Ange expectantly, she glanced at Chloe before answering "It's been challenging at times. There have been moments I've been worried about her, worried that she's not eating enough. But if she's gaining the right amount of weight then I'm probably just worrying too much?" The doctor smiled at her reassuringly "That's normal, there will always be ups and downs in recovery but since everything is going in the right direction I wouldn't worry about a few blips. Both of you seem to be managing incredibly well. Sometimes people are slow to gain weight at the beginning while they slot into a routine at home but the fact you've managed so well shows the great effort from both of you." She stood up quickly "Since medically you appear fit at this time, that's everything from me today. I'll leave you here to discuss the meal plan for the next week. Unless either of you have any questions?" Chloe shook her head quickly, eager for her to leave as soon as possible – convinced her lies would be exposed at any moment. Ange confirmed she was happy at this time and the doctor left the room swiftly. Chloe zoned out as the dietician chatted to Ange about what they were expecting from Chloe over the next week. She had no intention of eating it all, even if she had to then she knew she would burn it all off again. She was determined to lose all this extra weight – to become happy with her body. As the dietician stood up, smiling warmly at both of them Chloe zoned back into the conversation, pretending to have been listening the whole time. As she left Ange turned quickly to Chloe, pulling her in for a hug "I'm so proud of you sweetheart! You've done amazing, did you hear how impressed they were?" Chloe shrugged slightly, not wanting the praise – she didn't deserve it, it was all lies anyway. They made their way to the car, the weight lifting off of Chloe as she realised she really had got away with it, she'd fooled them all and she didn't have to even think about covering her tracks again for another week. She sank into her seat, relaxing as she realised this might not be as hard as she thought, for the first time in weeks she had hope. Hope that she was regaining her control, hope that she wouldn't have to keep getting fatter and fatter, hope that things were going to work out for her – just the way she wanted them to be.

Ange relaxed around mealtimes slightly, falsely believing that since Chloe was gaining weight she was recovering. She still supervised them but wasn't scrutinising Chloe's every move. This allowed Chloe the convenience of slipping a few bites of food away, anything to avoid eating everything that was put in front of her.

Chloe pushed herself to the limit most nights. She was lucky that she was able to nap during the day so she didn't miss out on too much sleep – allowing her to get the most out of her workouts when she could. On this particular night she was pushing herself more then normal, she'd had to eat all of her dinner and she could feel it seeping into her – the fat spreading across her body quickly. She was doing sit ups, counting in her head. She was so wrapped up in what she was doing she didn't hear the footsteps approaching her door. Ange had awoken from a restless sleep and had that gut feeling only mothers have. She couldn't settle again and decided to check on Chloe to put her mind at rest. She pushed the door open quietly, hoping her daughter was sleeping and she didn't want to disturb her. She didn't expect what was awaiting her. Chloe was a sweaty mess, Ange watched as her daughters muscles strained with the effort of the exercise. Although she was shocked, she wasn't surprised. She had suspected something wasn't right but couldn't put her finger on what it was. Now she knew. Chloe was still oblivious to her standing there, wrapped up in her own world – continuing to torture herself and push her body to the edge of its ability.

Ange knew she needed to stop her, she edged forward and touched Chloe's shoulder gently. Chloe shot round, the contact making her jump. As she realised what had happened she edged away, holding her arm out to keep Ange at a safe distance "This isn't what it looks like…I've…this is the first time." Ange looked at her sympathetically – both of them knowing that was a lie. She took a step forward, attempting to comfort Chloe but the young girl matched her action and took a step away, bumping into the wall as she did so. She suddenly felt trapped and the panic rose inside her "Get out of here! Get out now!" Ange shook her head, refusing to go and let her continue to destroy herself "how long have you been doing this Chloe? The truth?" Chloe refused to meet her eye, instead staring at a spot on the wall above Ange's head. Her jaw was tense, her hands clenched. Her eyes began to fill with tears but she bit her lip hardly – determined not to lose control again. Ange seized the opportunity and edged closer to her daughter "Chloe, sweetheart?" their eyes met and Ange's heart sank as she saw the desperation on her daughters face – the fear and panic that was creeping up. She took another step, holding her hand out gently but Chloe spooked and ran – she tried to push past, to escape but Ange was quicker. She reached out, grabbing her daughter swiftly – both of her arms wrapping tightly round Chloe's waist.

She was shocked as she realised how thin Chloe actually was but she pushed this to one side for a moment – her priority was to calm her down. She attempted to guide Chloe to the bed but the young girl pushed against her, desperate to get away. Ange gave up on sitting down and instead just pulled Chloe in tightly, hugging her closely and whispering words of encouragement in her ear. As she ran her hands over her daughters back to comfort her she was surprised to feel all the bones, her spine and ribs were prominent. Ange couldn't understand it. She had been gaining weight steadily. Everyone was so pleased with her progress, how could this have happened?

Ange couldn't hold off anymore, she took a step back from her daughter and quickly pulled her top up – exposing just how much weight she had lost. As soon as Chloe registered what her mum was doing she pushed her mums hand away, twisting out of her reach and covering herself quickly. Ange gasped, covering her mouth quickly – unable to believe she'd sat and watched this happen, oblivious to what Chloe was doing. Both of them were frozen to the spot, unsure of how to react. After a few seconds of pure terror Chloe jumped into action, turning and running past Ange – desperate to get away. She fled down the stairs, unsure of where she was going but desperate to get away from her mum. Ange caught up to her by the time she'd got to the last step. As Chloe made her way towards the front door Ange lunged and caught her, wrapping her arms tightly around her and holding her close despite Chloe's desperate pleas to be released. Ange cringed as she thought back to that scene in her office just a few weeks ago, realising that nothing had really changed – if anything things were worse. Chloe had become more deceptive and more unwell while Ange was oblivious to it all, believing they were finally getting through to her. She rocked Chloe from side to side, gently rubbing her back until she felt her go limp in her arms – the adrenaline had left her and she was exhausted now.

"Chloe? What's happening? Talk to me" Ange held her by her arms, making her face her but Chloe refused to meet her eye – looking everywhere but at her mum. "I…erm..I can't." Chloe's breathing had picked up, the panic taking over. Ange knew a full blown panic attack was coming if she didn't stop this. "You have to try and stay calm. Breathe." It was as though Chloe hadn't heard her – she continued to hyperventilate, her eyes wide and pleading for help. Ange cupped her face gently "Look at me." Chloe continued to stare at the wall "_look at me Chloe!" _This time the younger woman did as she was told. Ange brushed her face away from her face, noticed how clammy her daughters skin was "You're going to get through this, I promise" Chloe shook her head, trying to get her thoughts organised but unable to concentrate on anything, she opened her mouth – attempting to talk her way out of this "it's not that easy mum. It's so hard. I have to fight every minute. I feel so bad. If I eat, if I don't. Either way I lose. It's so hard mum" Ange nodded sympathetically "I know. I understand. Really, I do Chloe. You are being so brave. You just need to fight a bit more for me. Do you hear me? You can't give up. You need to get better" Chloe wailed, unable to control her reactions "I can't do it mum, it's too much. I just want to die. You promised it would get easier but it's not. It's too hard. Why can't you just let me go? I'm too tired to do this anymore. I just want to die." Her voice was frantic, panic-stricken and for the first time since this battle had started Ange was truly scared – scared that they were losing this fight, that there wasn't much more she could do to help Chloe. She swallowed that doubt, determined not to give up on her daughter. When she spoke again her voice was cool and calm, no trace of the fear she was actually feeling. She looked Chloe in the eye "I am _not _going to let you die. I told you that before and I mean it. Over my dead body. I will do everything in my power to keep you alive Chloe. You can kick and scream, fight and cry all you want but you ARE going to get through this. You have too much ahead of you to give up on life yet. It's not always going to be this hard, this painful. In 10 years you're going to look back on this and realise how strong you were." She took a deep breath "But to get to that point it's going to take a lot of work. I'm going to drag you through it, kicking and screaming if I have to. I'm not going to give up on you."


	19. Chapter 19

Ange pulled herself up off the sofa stretching all of her tense muscles. She looked over to where Chloe was sleeping. She looked so peaceful like this, as if nothing was troubling her. Ange longed to know what was going through her daughter's head. She couldn't bear the thought that Chloe's inner voice was so awful that she had to cut and starve to try and pacify it. She walked over to her daughter, stroking her hair gently making sure not to wake her up. She quickly kissed the top of Chloe's head and made her way upstairs for a shower.

As she stood there, the scalding water hitting her body she let out the cries she had been holding in. Once she started she couldn't stop and the sobs wracked her body. She cried until she had no more tears left. She turned the water off and jumped out, wrapping a towel around her body.

As she dried off that was when it hit her, she suddenly knew how they were going to make it through this. She worked her way through the bathroom, then Chloe's bedroom – removing anything sharp or triggering. She put it all in a bin bag then hid it in her wardrobe, promising to get rid of it when Chloe next slept.

She jogged down the stairs, feeling this burning urge to fix everything. She approached Chloe and shook her awake. The blonde appeared groggy and disorientated. Ange attempted to pull her to her feet "Come on, upstairs". Chloe groaned and shut her eyes again, desperate for a few more minutes peace. Ange was persistent though, she grabbed Chloe's hands and pulled her into a sitting position "Come on. It's time to get up. Today marks the start of your recovery. We're not going to tiptoe around this anymore. Upstairs".

The tone in Ange's voice left no room for negotiation and Chloe begrudgingly padded up the stairs behind her mum. Her eyes widened as she saw her room, obvious that Ange had gone through her belongings. The panic rose, what had she found? How much did she know? How would she get out of this now? Just as she opened her mouth to protest Ange cut her off quickly "now, I know the last couple of months haven't been easy for any of us but that's going to change. From today you're going to hand me control. You're going to stop this lying and cheating. Stop the purging and the exercising. Stop the cutting. Stop all of these unhealthy behaviours." Chloe looked her blankly, knowing they'd had this conversation before. Ange stared back at her, understanding exactly what she was thinking "I'm not saying it's going to be easy Chloe. In fact, it's probably going to be one of the hardest things you'll ever have done. But we both know you need to do it. So this is the agreement. Twice weekly blind weigh ins – underwear only and you're not going to be told when they are so you can't keep cheating the scales. We are going to get a proper meal plan in place, we'll start small and increase slowly but you have to eat it all. Anything you don't eat will be substituted by a supplement drink. You're going to stop exercising. So I know you have I'm going to be sleeping in here for a while. You're going to continue with your therapy. You're going to fight to get better, even if you don't want to." Listening to these rules enraged Chloe, the anger building as the list went on. As Ange finished Chloe snorted "Yeah? What if I don't?" She didn't mean to be obstructive. She desperately wanted to be the compliant daughter, to stop her mum suffering but the fear she was feeling took over that all. She couldn't allow herself to become fat. She couldn't let them ruin her life. She needed that control, it was the only thing keeping her from falling apart. Ange stared at her hardly, unwavering as she spoke again "Then you'll go back into hospital. You'll be sectioned and you'll be force fed while you're there. They'll force you to get better too. That bit is unnegotiable, but you have a choice – here or the hospital. It's that simple. I don't want to be the one to make that decision for you – but I will if I have to." Chloe's eyes filled with tears as her mum's words hit her. She wanted to run, to get away from the monster that was her mum. She wanted to scream and shout – to get everyone to understand why she was doing this but she knew it was useless. She had hit the end of the road now, there was no other option. She fidgeted slightly, trying to buy herself some time. To figure out a way to get away from this situation but every solution she came up with was unrealistic. Finally she resigned herself to the inevitable. She looked up at her mum, voice shaking and eyes filled with tears. "I want to do it here, with you. I'm ready to get better now. I want to try."

**I've hit a point where i don't know what else i can do with this story. If anyone has any ideas then let me know, if not I think this is the end! Thank you all for reading!**


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